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Lakshman stopped the chariot in the middle of the forest, Sita got down, revealing the beauty of the nature.

“The scion of Raghu Clan wants you to know that the streets are filled with gossips about you. The king’s wife must be above all doubt. You may go wherever you please but know that you are never to return to the palace” Lakshmana’s nostrils flared as he said this.

Sita looked at him, smiling, as she saw the rage in her brother in law’s voice.

“You think he has abandoned his Sita? He is a god, he can abandon no one and I am a goddesses, I can be abandoned by no one.” Smiling, Sita unlocked her braid of hair, a sign of a married woman, now free and turned to the forest.

 

Devdutt Pattanayak, serenely manages to captures some of the most critical moments in India’s favourite retelling epic. Retold over the years, divided by regionalism, far reaching is its effects of being in retold with regional and regional twists even in far reaching countries like Indonesia. Ramayana has the certainly come a long way from being narrated by Sita to the thief turned poet, Valmiki to be being described and transcribed into local folklore to even Jain and Buddhist versions. The most beautiful part about this retelling is that Devdutt actually manifests to seize the essence of even the other versions of Ramayana. He does not seek to explain why or how these indices came about to being but merely states them for the reader to believe what they think well. This book also seeks point out the two sects that are present in Hindu culture, one which worships Ram, one which worships Krishna, both yet being forms of the god Vishu. Yet Sita, is a brilliant attempt to break free from the shackles of showcasing women as inferior to men and offers a chance to understand the events of Ramayana from the goddess’s preview, signifying why her name is before Ram’s when Hanuman and we all chant “Jai Siya Ram”.

Sita is gone, swallowed by the earth in an attempt to prove her purity to Ram, Lakshman has gone to the forest and beheaded himself, while the god of death, Yama, looms large on Ayodhya, afraid only of the monkey god Hanuman who stands watching the gates of Ayodhya, letting no one in or out. Ram, lost in thought, somehow manages to lose his ring in a crevice on the floor. He calls out to Hanuman to fetch it, and Hanuman, always eager to please his lord, shrinks to the size of a fly and flies into the crevice. Deeper and deeper he goes, till he reaches the centre of earth, home to the dreaded creatures called Nagas. They surround him, eager to know about the speaking monkey who demands to know where his beloved master’s ring is. An agreement is reached after the nine headed serpent, Adisheeshnath, the king of the nagas agrees to show the path to Hanuman, provided he tell them the story of Ram and Sita.

Hanuman’s story starts with the advent of a scholarly king who while ploughing the field finds a baby girl and on the other hand a warrior king who is pining for a male heir to help his ancestors be reborn from the swarglok. In the beginning only, the Ramayan thus manages to show a distinct lean towards the differences of the scholarly Janaka and the warrior Dashratha. One welcomes the gift from mother earth and raises her to be a fine princess and the other shuns his daughter in the want of a son, a scion to take the family name forward.

Dashratha decides to conduct a yagna which would bless him with sons and from this yagna a fertility potion emerges, of which Kaushalya and Kaikei take a part and both of them give half of their portion to the third queen, which results in the birth of twins. Ram, Bharat and the twins Laxman and Shatrugun are thus born. Their guru, the warrior turned yogi, Vashitha takes up the task of training them and making kings out of them.

One day, the revered rajguru, Vishvamitra calls upon Dashrath’s sons to keep guard of his hermitage as performs a yagna. It is here important to note that in the Ramayana, the dwellings of the cities are the places where culture and morals are upheld, where humans live, while in the forest where the Rakshashas reside; there is no value for culture or morals. The Ramayana clearly goes on to show that the in the jungle, truly the laws of the survival of the fittest are well placed, much before someone known as Charles Darwin came to call it his own. The asuras or rakshashas as they are called

In Devdutt’s narration, Sita and Urmila (to be Lakshmana’s wife) are present in the ceremony, and that Sita is already smitten by the courageous youth who fights like a warrior yet who manages to match up with her even in knowledge of the worldly matters.  A swayamvara, the ritual of choosing her own husband is held, but just for the sake of it as Sita had already chosen Ram. In the Swayamvara though, the challenge is taken up by many, even the king of a place far south known as the city of gold, Lanka. He huffs and manages to almost string Shiva’s bow, but he slips and becomes the laughing jest of the court even as a woman, Sita has to lift the bow which has fallen upon him. Ram manages to not only string the bow, but also breaks it, emerging as the winner of Sita’s hand.

Both the Ramayana and the Mahabharata are constructed on the principles of Karma. Janaka finding his daughter in the earth, Dashratha’s yearning for sons, Ravana being humiliated at Sita’s swayamra, the exile of the prince and his wife, the wife’s demand to be able to follow her husband into the forest, Suparnrakha’s arrival, her fascination and erotic desires for Ram and Lakshman, the crossing of the Lakshman rekha,  The curse of Vali’s wife, revenge on Ravana and finally the King’s test for his queen. Karma is an embodiment of the both the past and the future and the repercussions one actions bring. Be it a Tapasvi Yogi, a king or even a mere tribal woman who feeds Ram berries.  Karma is just a probability triggered in the future of an action taken today.

Ram himself implores this, Had Sita never followed him into the forest, she would not have been involved in Suparnrakha’s punishment, nor would she have crossed the Lakshman Rekha and nor would she have allowed herself to be taken prisoner thus causing a blot on the Raghu Clan. The Maryada Purushottam, as he is called, here forgets that his wife is the meek housewife Gayatri, also the battle ready Durga, and the destroyer in Kali. He does not take into account that Sita could have easily overpowered Ravana in the form of Kali, but does not do so as she knows it would cause a further blot on Ram, who already failed to protect Sita.

The Ramayana’s similarity with the modern world is quite stark. Here the power of gossip, which brought down a queen to a mere woman living in the forest and the ego of Ram, for whom family’s honour and rules are the upmost.

 

So how does Sita end up in the forest after passing the Agni Pariksha, Why does Ravana seek revenge on Ram, Why does the Marayada Purustottam, order his own brother to behead himself and does Hanuman find the ring in time with the God of death, Yama lurking outside the gates of Ayodhya, beckoning Ram he’s waiting for him ?

 

This is one retelling of the mighty epic that will change the way you know Ramayana as it and bring you face to face with a whole new perspective of a Ramayana which truly celebrates the essence of why Sita is the ideal for any Indian woman.

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Note: This poem contains extreme explicit content. Readers are requested to follow their own discretion while reading it. Enjoy :}

She lies atop the satin white sheets handling her clitoral hood
Lying on her back gently stroking the outskirts of her vagina
Tracing her slender fingers over her clitoral flesh
Mesmerizing as are the words of a master hypnotist, such is this display
Of the lovely lady as she engages in digital and vaginal play
Softly massaging the outer reaches of her womanly wonders
With finger motions slow and sure with little likelihood for blunders
She pinches and pulls the petals of her rose and lets out a quite hiss
Intermitted inserting her middle finger into her space of uterine bliss
Motions that are in my face which I cannot just simply dismiss
So succulent are her lips …
Past the point of salivating and my urges have long since reached critical
This visual tease is purposed and tempting, with a beginning that is pivotal
For making me want her more before we make our merge …soon
Leading to love making that’ll put us to sleep until tomorrow afternoon..

She lies atop the satin white sheets, layered one atop the other
Winding her body on the mattress, wrinkling the shiny covers
Moving with an anxiety as would be exhibited by a nervous nun
Stroking her pleasure pot just like she did in verse one
She adds a level of intensity and excitement to her already arousing display
She goes from simply stroking her pussy, to finger fucking herself
The pinching of pussy lips sends sounds of feminine whimpering down the halls
She rides a wave of erogenous spasms with each finger push and pull
With the scrunch of her brow and the biting of her succulent lips
She presses forward with the stimulation going on between her hips
The smell of her pussy takes on a subtle yet different scent
As she cums, and cums hard …her juices are spattered and spent..

She lies atop the satin white sheets with her fingers in her crotch
She teases me and makes the simple request of having me watch
Performing the kind of self-molestation wet dreams are made of
Brining me to the brink of literal ejaculation …before we made love
With fingers coated with the sheen of fresh vaginal wetness
She manipulates herself again …provokes herself restless
As she hand-grinds her pussy and winds her hips
Mashing her clitoris with her wet finger tips
She touches womanly places she makes faces dramatic and ecstatic
And at times her body movements become spastic and erratic
Signs of orgasmic splendor that’s just around the bend
I see her sprits like a splash of fresh tangerine zest
And the nut that she gets seems like the world’s best
As she continues to indulge herself in her vaginal amenities
Wetting herself …and uttering out pleasurable obscenities..

She lies atop the satin white sheets finger-fucking herself through
Bringing herself to the brink of moistening her flower with her orgasmic dew
As I stand and watch at the door …I’m enjoying the view
Her pelvis moves with the power of slow moving ocean waves
Her fingers exploring the cavern of her inner caves
As she pleasures herself with a certain unsaid sass
I can smell the scent of her hot pussy …and her ass
“I’m almost ready for you daddy” she says in a tone, only she can
Which makes me aroused and erect I stand an already horny man
Awestruck by the unfolding drama of up front female masturbation
The stuff of a master poet’s exotic verse and erotic dissertation
She sprits one more time, not in an ovation of pressing her luck
But with the intensity of her orgasm causing her to say ” Fuck!”
Then, with eyes wide open she makes a demand, plain and pushy
In a commanding snarling tone she simply says “Come get this!”

We lay atop white satin sheets where individual passion begs
With her thighs separated and my head in between her legs
Putting my tongue to her twat, making her feel so high that she floats
Both of her cheeks with the palms of my hand and breaking her down like a puzzle
With my face so deep into her pussy, it acts like a muzzle
Bound by concupiscent acts atop the mattress, we’re stuck in place
My tongue hits the right spot just below her clitoris, and she begins to fuck my face
I tongue them with passion while smothering my face with pussy galore
Licking, chewing and gently biting her pleasure palace, causing her to shake
I oppress and at times punish her pussy just to hear her hiss like a snake
Nose open to the camel-toed pearl tongue, smearing her essence across my lips and chin
I feel the warm ooze of her liquid love that makes her pussy grin
And before long all I can smell is her and the juices that she made

We lay atop the satin white sheets…skinning and grinning to one another
Indulging ourselves in fruitful attempts to stain the bed linen
I stand at the door of her vagina, and enter in …strong, nice and slow
Engaging in initial intercourse and an arousing copulatory mesh
By this time love making is over as I take up residence in her puck
We’ve since transitioned from the bouts of foreplay to an honest-to-goodness fuck
I mount her in the style of the missionaries so that I can look her in the eyes
All the while, mixing up a rhythm and a groove in between her thighs
That makes her nerve endings respond to the sexual kinetics that I supply
And intermittently, time and again bring her to the point of making her pussy cry
Switching positions every-so-often …not so concerned about the time
Varying from the missionary to the doggie; cunnilingus and fellatio; even sixty nine
And though the white satin sheets are damp-in, now seasoned with perspiration
They’re not too white anymore, sprinkled with sweat, orgasm and ejaculation

We lay atop the satin white sheets after stirring between a set of mellow hips
Wearied and winded as a result of our multiple conjugal fellowships
After having fucked and sucked, and running amuck in and on one another
She’s blanked on me like the lid on a pan fire to smother
Heavy breathing after being engaged in seething sexual acts and incidents
Finding ourselves caught in explicitly contextual escapades and sexual predicaments
That would cause many a person to glare, gape and gawk
At acts that make us appreciative that the walls can’t talk
Replaying flashbacks in our minds of the things that we’ve just done
Things that caused us to grimace and grin …things that were so much fun
Things that cause her to get her nut …time and again
Things that when I think about it makes our current state of affairs a win-win
If I smoked, I’d smoke a cigarette to commemorate a fuck well done
We fucked ourselves breathless in a contest where both of us won
And now amidst the scent of hot pussy and ass …the smell of sexual sweets
Here we lay, sexually exhausted …atop white satin sheets

In life I have stumbled upon many people, some still are in my life, some no more..Yet what makes them special is the fact that we have memories with each other..Here are some of my own..Times that I have spent with them..Some would know it is for them, some would not..Yet they are there, and here I am..

————————————————————————————
The girl stepped below from the staircase across from the sofa he sat at and the moment he saw her, a strong adrenaline rushed through his body. It had been too long, way too long. The hotel receptionist became oblivious. His heart started pumping faster but his breathing got slower. With each breath he inhaled, his lungs expanded, his heart pounded, his pupils dilated and his mind went into more oblivion. He was not able to take his eyes off her. She wore a simple yoga pants and a jacket. Clutching her hand was a little kid, their eyes met and she smiled at him, shying, for the company around and at that very moment he felt an emotion never felt before. She looked like a woman who was not scared of exploring her wild side but still a woman who would give no guy any excess baggage. Her milky complexion, her long curly soft hair tied in a loose bun with few strands swinging on her bare shoulders and falling on her face in a way as to make it look as beautiful as a moon hiding its unbeatable beauty behind clouds. Her flawless beauty appeared to be all the more mesmerizing in the bright light. Her face was glowing and reflecting the light like the moon reflects the sunlight. She was undeniably beautiful. The sparkle in her eyes and the movement of her soft pink lips as she bit them left him flabbergasted. Her lips, exquisite pink lips were pouting and parting in poetic rhythmic movements showering upon the beholder an array of flying kisses. God, the skilled craftsman and she, proof of his perfection. He too had a past, many a women had wanted to call him their own but never had he met a one who just ruined his sense of reality.
————————————————————————————
” I envy your hair so much,” he said as he twisted her fringe that was grazing her face with his finger, and softly tucked it behind her ear.

She closed her eyes at his gesture, leaned into him and with a smile on her face asked him in a whisper, “why?”

He pulled her closer to him, and traced his hand over her face in that exact spot where the fringe lay earlier. “It gets to do this when I am not with you; and I don’t like it; only I am allowed to be this close to you. Can you blame me for wanting you all for myself?”

She leaned a little and reached his lips, lingering over them as she whispered, “I am all yours. Only yours..”

————————————————————————————

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————————————————————————————
“We are quite different.” She said.

“That is why we have many things to share.” he added immediately.
“What?” She asked perplexed.

“Um, think of it this way, don’t you want to look forward for something new in life, I mean imagine a world where all stories had the same start. All films ever made had same plot and all mysteries had the same endings. I believe being similar will make people lonely.” he said taking the last sip of his coffee.

“But don’t you think if people are different in nature and liking, they will fight all the times?” She asked.

“If you personally ask me, I’ll take fights over loneliness. No one can play chess if all pieces have same colors. ” he said as a strand of hair fell on her face and she tucked it behind her left ear.

“Not a bad perception.” She said, smiling.

————————————————————————————

They both stood at the tip of the cliff with many other spectators and watched. It was a beautiful event; with fireworks, performances and music.

“I want to come back here again,” she said in daze.

“Yes, me too. I want to see this again but with you by my side,” he replied looking into her eyes.

She blushed a shade of pink and tackled him in a hug before whispering in a voice which could be easily missed if he wasn’t too close to her. “Don’t you think you will get bored with same old me?”

He smooched her full on the mouth, “Do you think you will get bored of these kisses and me?” he asked, raising his eyes as he looked into her eyes, smiling mischievously.

And all she could smile and look away.
————————————————————————————

There was a misunderstanding between them. They didn’t talk to each other while they walked down together near the empty neighborhood. The silence was killing both of them, and their ego was playing along, caressing the issue.

Finally he could not take it anymore; the silent night had to be broken. Turning to her just said “You know what?”

Knowing what he would say, and even before he said it, she said it,

“I love you too”

They walk in silence again but with their hands entwined.

The Temptress

Her lust for him was fierce,
She spreads out her body before him,
As if it were a lavish bridegroom’s dinner,
Of caviar, oysters and shrimp,
Artichokes stripped of leaves to dip in luscious butter,
Her body reeks too with fragrant muskiness,
A sweat line glistens on her, inviting yet he resists,

Her tender lips are moist, uncorked to further whet desire.
Entreating him to take his fill, she whispers in his ear,
“Partake of me, my love. Own me more and more.”

As he imbibes her and consumes her,
His feeding frenzy peaks!
She offers from her fingers- sweetest fruit:
Honeyed figs with cream, peaches, plums, and her body fine,
And one red well-ripened berry lying between her lips…

Utterly sated,
Drunk from delectation; he sighs
Motionless, she lies, moaning like a lover begotten alike,
And when his eyes move rapidly
Beneath their heavy lids,
She slides her body carefully off his,
Slips back into her gossamer gown,
Hastens on tiptoes to the door; turns the knob;
And without looking back,
Steps back into the blackness of the night.

He’ll waken and so will the want to feast again
But he’ll find that she has parted…
For such banquets such as hers, are rare as they come,
And so she’ll live and love, lie again
Knowing that he can never resume
A coupling that was so completely gratifying.
His passion was consumed while consuming of goddess
Who takes from men again . . . and again?

But the sustenance that she needs again
Must always be fresh, and that is what
Eternally that sustains her.

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A Time to Die Chapter No 8, Week 2

Hello everyone this is Team Blog-o-holics..

So we’ll take the story forward, but please visit the here to read the last part by Sakshi,
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Game of Blogs Team Blog-o-holics

Team Blog-o-holics’ fourth entry. Please find the entry before this on

Day 2, Story 2

Black as the night, it rose from the horizon, it’s black wings blocking out the light from the sun. A sudden darkness fell over the kingdom, with only it’s yellowed neck a speck of light in the morning sky. It seemed as it had swallowed the fire lord of the sky himself. The majestic apparition was held in awe by the mere spectators of the kingdom, until the menial who sounded the alarm was crunched and swallowed into the beast’s fire belly.

And thus it began.

The farms and the fields were the first to go, the stony structures reduced to mere crumbles in a matter of brush against them by it. Soldiers ran to push battle formations but the mere small weapons proved to be little help against the thick hide of the beast. Most of them were burned to ashes even before they could raise there weapons. The creature of the night, arched itself on a tower, flames burning bright all over where ever it veered it’s ugly deathly head. It was death from above for little Sam, as locked his eyes with the beast and raised his wooden sword to it, which lay charred on the ground the very next moment.

The murderer of the king, towered above the beast, far away in his castle, watching his kingdom razed to the very ground his forefathers built it from. the screams of his people filling the air around his ears, all the while twitching with the firestone, as suddenly, the beast turned towards him, gazed upon him and took off in his direction.

– The Radical Guy.

 

So this is a Twitter exercise by one of my poet friends, Mr. Ashu, who very generally proposed that we take up a challenge to get our creative juices flowing and for some reason I could not bring myself to say no, even when I know that the stagnancy in my creativity has come to the brim, but well challenges being challenges, here we are. Hope I do this every single day of April month, for the lazy arse I am, I shall have to push and prod myself too. Here’s hoping you’ll love these single page stories everyday as much as I love to write them out.

Regards,

The Radical Guy..

 

Day 1, Story 1

” God Speed my king” , he whispered, as the body held by him, twitched and turned but unable to cry for help. It tried to bring up it’s arms to it’s eldest son, but they never rose.

He hushed the weak attempts of his king, circling his fingers to the place where the knife lay buried in his back. The glistening moonlight offered little solace to the weak king, watching the life ebb out if him, watching as he again groaned and twitched again and again as the blade was replaced in his back, and as he fell silent and slump, a moment after the sickening noise of a cracking spine, rang in the room.

“God speed, my king” he spat as he sheathed his blade, and with a swirl of his robe, walked off into the moonlight, his boots clattering on the stoney ground, walking on the blood spilt from the guards necks that lay outside the room.

 

 

I never thought I could be like this. Never thought that someday, someone would leave, only to never comeback and leave me shattered. I’ve been left by many people in my life, always been the one who’s been at life’s lows and been dogged to the point of emotional damage by the very people I’ve loved more than me. It’s never too late to realize they say..never too late to know that somehow, somewhere down the line you’ve ignored the people who’ve been with you all your life and been there for you,shouldering your back, making sure you stay up. These people are the ones whom we never even take measures or pains to make happy on a regular basis, because somewhere,somehow..we know they wouldn’t mind that..Even if they did, they won’t say it.

 

Family. Funny word this. Be-seethes the inner sanctum of the people in your life, but pray put a hand on your heart and tell me, asking yourself whom this inner sanctum really defines. Is it the people we can’t live without ? or is the people who’ve been with us all our lives.

 

It’s never easy to bid a relation goodbye for an emotional man like me. I’ve been back stabbed, cheated, hurt, driven to the point of desperation, torn apart, left in my desolation..but never by my family. Even when I was in the lowest point in my life, I knew I had a group of men and women looking over me. A group that has grown less by one and twos in the last many few days. And they all said they’ve gone to a better place.

I’ve been raised by a group of two, who raised my own mother, until I was three, at my ancestral place.There was a code of a working woman, and an alarmed mother when she one day came home to discover that the aaya she had brought over her own child and was making him drink the share of milk she was supposed to give to me. Two days and an aaya later, I sat in my mother’s lap, looking at the trees dwindling by trying to make whatever sense a one year old could make, but not crying for a moment as the big bad world seems helpless against the arms she held me in.

We got off at a rather huge estate, one of the many in the locality as I would discover later, but the place and the smells were none like the small home we three lived in. On the streets ran weird creatures with horns, on the roofs were big black man faced aliens with furs and tails, and there was a man outside the home, feeding some four legged creatures who were increasingly defiant on licking his face off.

This is when I first saw my grandfather, a man whom I had grown to worship,admire and wrench-fully watch him wither with pain on a hospital bed in the later years of my life.

He took me in, a little too harshly for my doting grandmother, who prominently named me “Bony” for my skinny appearance and she has bequeathed a task on herself to ensure that I never went hungry from the time I woke up to the time I slept. Once a mother, always a mother they say. And now to watch her, ensure that she feeds herself..That is something a grandson should never have to watch.

My grandfather was a astute disciplinary man but he had his softness too. He’s thrill me with his stories everynight before I slept and make theatrics to ensure he always had me smiling. He didn’t have the feet or the back to be my horse but he ensured that I had my rides with him everyday. He’d take me places in his little town of Khambhat and talk to me. Talk about it’s history, talk about what he’d done there as a kid, talked about whatever he could, even though I did not understand a single word he said, but there it was, the bond of a man and his grandson. He had engaged in my life so easily that I never felt that my mother and my father were never there until on weekends.

He never really talked about his past, and I until reached an age where I could logically reason, never asked him about it. Upon asking, a shot of pain ran though his face and he would simply refuse to have a word on the subject, and I rather than the fear of him feeling the pain than his stick, once sneaked upon my grandmother to question about her the same. The story she told me, makes me cry still, even as a grown man.

My grandfather, was an orphan. I never knew the word nor the gravity until a long time. My grandmother told me that how my great grandfather had marched with the people of India shouting “Vande Mataram” when he was riddled by lashes and lathis by the British rulers of India. He breathed his last in a cell where he paid the ultimate price for his country, dying in the filth and muck like amongst the hundreds. My great grandmother, a patient of tuberculosis leaving my grandfather at the age of twelve to fend for himself. His maternal aunt took him in. And another hell began for my him. He slaved day and night for three years for them, doing their housework,taking care of their needs, not like a blood relationship, but a mere servant. He ran away one night, leaving it all behind, in hope that it would never follow. And it never did.

My grandfather was nor a hero, nor a billionaire, nor a famous man. He was man who merely worked in a saree shop for the lack of better knowledge, but the way he taught me about life, imbibed in me the qualities he so fiercely followed in his life. Until he could, he spent his days working behind the counter, fending for himself and grandmother, for he never chose to live with his sons.

And somehow as I grew up, his importance in my life was reduced to the customary sunday phonecall and the summer visits to their place. He had only grown more broody and wrinkly I thought every time I looked at him and now I realize that he must have looked at me and be saddened about the fact that his grandson was no longer the one he bought up with so much love and care.

I regret the fact that I didn’t have enough time to thank him, to repay him, to care for him, the same way he had once done for me. I’m sorry grandpa for all the times I refused to talk to you, didn’t think so high of you, never came to visit you like you wanted and I’m sorry for giving other relationships more importance than ours. I miss you. And I’ll always love you bald old wrinkly man.

 

Epilogue:

I’ve never cried a single tear, since the time I last saw you on the hospital bed, nor when I carried you away. And yet today, I am sitting in a train full of strangers, writing this, for my words are my grief, there comes a old man, withered, wrinkly and a tuft of white hair on his head, just like you were..And besides him is a kid of seven years maybe, holding his hand, scared of all the people around him. The man took his hand in his and pressed it. The kid looked up to him and smiled, knowing that he was going to be just fine and that he has his grandfather to look after him. They looked around to find their seats and the kid pointed out to the ones besides me. They sat besides me, him smilingly acknowledging me. They sat with me watching them with glistening eyes, and the kid held his grandfather’s hand and whispered ” I love you nanu” and to the man replied ” I love you too son”

I didn’t cry a single tear since the two days.

 

Not until then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just another man..

Enough blood has been shed. Enough tears have been wept. Enough pages have been ripped from the seams of books and enough cigarette butts have been rubbed against the walls to quiet them. Enough nights have been spent naught, staring out that moon, replaying the same story in my mind over and over again. Enough work has been done. Enough thought has been given to over come this bloody writer’s block.

Make no mistake. This blog post is not for you. It is for me. It is for so that I shun my misappropriations and write. Do something I have been aching to do, yet have been held back friends and foes alike, the very ones whom I’ve called my own.

I am tired. I am done. I am at a stage in life where I am not an adult yet no more the child. The adult in me refuses to believe this and the child fears at growing up. Family, Friends, Work, Dreams, Ambitions, Targets, Budgets, Fears, Expectations. In an manner of three mere years, life has shown me all that it could.

Living for others, fighting for others, making sure that the dreams you are expected to do are completed before your own. “Am I what I want to be ? ” is a question I ask myself, daily. I have been back stabbed,broken,beaten,shattered,left for the dead,cheated upon and my dreams, my work..has been snatched away from me. For what ? For what fucking what ?

A stable life ?

A stable job ?

A stable bank balance ?

A stable future ?

Well I say fuck this stable shit and this so called shit I’ve been taught and imposed upon since I have been a kid. Not only by my parents, peers, teachers but each and every fucking cunt of the society I have come across.
We live in a world of jealousy, where people want us to be happy, but not at the expense of us, out doing them. Bondage, sniggers and thrives amongst us, as we bind our bloody minds at stifling talents of the ones who dare, who fucking dare out grow us.

We are the ones happy with mediocrity and the lowliness of our mind sets. Letting life screw us royally while we sit and fucking admire and awe the men and women who had the balls to live up to their dreams. We have our own set of social fuck ups who when in a crowd have less IQ than that of a newborn.

Yes I am a rebel and I have no qualms in being the outcast if you make me be. You say I am a disgrace and so I shall be. Because fuck you and your fucking society. You have made me one. I am one of you after all.

Just another fucking common man.

Oh the pain..

I scream but no one answers.
My own scream echoes back.
Endlessly, repeatedly,
Teasing me, taunting me.
It echoes in my mind,
In the empty place around me.
This is the silence,
It tortures me.
I scream, I scream again.
No answer, just the silence.
The very air is still,
It’s heavy, smothering me.
Why doesn’t someone answer?
Can’t they hear me?
Of course they can’t…
I’m alone with silence

I made a mistake to weave the dream of love from the string of words.

I brought my heart on the paper to breath life in words

I wrote the story of my love in the ink of tears.

It was the truth like the thorns in stalk of roses the tears in the way of love without the stab in heart love is the incomplete word.

The beauty of love in the darkness of broken heart colorful shade of love driven by wounds of the heart..

2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 20 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Hey Sunshine..

For Love..Such a silly game we play,oh, Like a summer’s day in May. What is Love, what is Love ??

Maybe..The girl i wrote this it for is it.

 

It’s not easy to describe, the way you churn my heart turn upside down
You lift me up into the sky, right on top of that sunshine clout
The things you say make me feel like the happiest man alive..without a subtle doubt..

With you by me, nothing seems like a problem, nothing is to hard to deal
When I’m in pain, you seem the only one to understand, and to heal
Maybe that’s why you attract me, maybe that’s why you make me feel the way I feel.

Doubts and questions are messing with my mind, I was afraid didn’t know what to do
Should I listen to my heart or to my mind, I didn’t know what path I had to choose
I knew what’s wrong and what’s right, I realized I needed something fresh and new
The chance to experience something so pure and real, I just could not let that loose.

I just can’t wait for the day we meet, I’m like a little kid crying for his cream..
I know for sure, things will work out fine, for you & me together sounds perfectly divine
It doesn’t matter how long I’ll wait or what I have got to do, to realize this dream
Time is ticking, days are flying by, but I’ve got the will to wait till you’ll be mine.

And I am going to love you like no one has ever loved you.

 

 

 

O’Remember the Nights (Part 1)

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O’ Remember the nights..
Remember the nights we shared,
The ones under the moon,
The ones on our bed,

O’ Remember the nights we made our world,
The nights when I drank from the Elixir of your eyes..
The nights when you broke down into my arms,and cried as I held you tight..

Remember the nights when we rode off into the moonlight,
And watched over the city from the skies,
The nights when we danced till the morning lights,
The nights when we were us, without a care in the world..

O’ Remember the nights..
Remember the nights when I cooked for you,
The burnt morsel was placed higher than Ambrosia..
Remember the nights, you wore my football tees,
Curled up with me, cheered for the Reds to win..

Remember the nights when we lasted for hours on Skype,
The nights when I danced for you, and made you laugh till you could cry no more
The nights when we talked till we did talk anymore..

For I thank you for these nights, from the bottom of my heart. For all those memories are special to me. Always will be. You all made me the man I am today. I shall never forget what you all meant to me. And I shall never forget what you made me.

Remember the night when I proposed..
And to think a single yes could tear apart my world..

This is my first attempt in which I’ve written a story with anyone, and it couldn’t be more awesome to write one for the first time with one of the most beautiful and a splendid specimen of a lady I have ever known in my life. So this one’s by Me, Nipath and Nidhi (Follow her blog on http://balancingdreams.blogspot.com/ ) . Hope you all like it.

Part I

He watched her sleep, stroking her head gently. A strand of her hair kept falling on her face and he patiently brushed it aside every time it fell. Zoe looked like her mother, calm, serene and silent. Satisfied, that his little angel had fallen asleep, kissing her forehead, he got up. Turning around he saw the photo at the bed side that still smiled at him. The pangs of regret of that night still haunted his soul. He wrenched his eyes away from the photo. His heart beat escalated; his forehead became sweaty, the whole night replayed in his head. He headed straight to his study, trying to find solace in the golden brown liquid that lay on his table. He poured himself a stiff one, the ice splashing the golden drops around the glass, when his promise to Zoe of never drinking again, surfaced. He left his glass untouched, and sat down in his chair. The rocking motion drifted him into thoughts as the rains started, outside his home and inside his heart.

“Where are we going Pankaj and where does this highway lead to?”

“There’s a point beyond the hill, a sun kissed spot and a glittering waterfall. I know you’ll love it.”

Saanjh gazed lovingly into the eyes of the man who treasured her, as he took her hand and pressed it into his own.

“I love the way your hand fits so well into mine.” He said, breaking her into a blush.

The Enfield bobbed up the hilly roads, the thump of the machine, drawing irking remarks from nature and its fauna, yet in all this chaos and ruckus, two hearts were at peace, oblivious into their own world.

The scenic beauty of that place, made Pankaj forget the very purpose of bringing her to that place. The air was surrounded by the calls of the mountain pigeons and the imperial sparrows, the water sparkling like blue elixir, the clear sky above them, and the wind doing its bit to make the whole setting perfect. He took her hand and strolled with her to the waterfall, not taking his eyes off her as she looked around her completely mesmerized.

Hand in Hand they stood on the side of the waterfall. Pankaj tried not to show his anticipation and fear in front of Saanjh. He tried to steal his nerves but his eyes gave away. Saanjh turned to him, wrapped her hands around his neck and looked into his eyes.

“Saanjh, I do have something to ask you”, his words barely a whisper, his heart pounding.

“And what would that be Mister?” She knew what was coming, yet she teased him.

The 6 footed man, suddenly turned half his height, kneeling on one knee.

“You have time and again made me happy, your smile brightens my day, and with you I am myself. My day starts with the thought of you and ends with you, you mean everything to me, and you’re my world and everything in it. I feel the very purpose of my life fulfilled when I’m with you and I’m happiest with you. And thus now I wish to make you mine forever.” He took a deep breath, paused, and popped the question. “Will you marry me?” He asked as he pulled out a ring and held it in front of her.

She gazed at him. The jungle behind them fell silent or they had become oblivious to everything around them. A single tear ran down from her eyes, as she nodded his approval. He slipped the ring onto her finger and hugged her, and she broke down in his arms. He parted himself from her, wiped her tears and kissed her forehead and held her close to his chest.

Part II

It may all seem to us that when the love is young, everything feels right. We can do anything, We can fight anyone, we can make it go to any crazy amount to make it all work just to have the person in our lives. We promise, we commit, we make plans, but sometimes..only till the love is young..

The thunder rumbled in the back drop, waking him up from his dream. Sweat had broken on his forehead, and he found himself short of breath. He stood upright, his breathing shallow, and the lump on his throat evident.

He combed her hair and pinned her kerchief, wiping the crumbs of her toast from her mouth. She grinned at him, showcasing a gap in her milk teeth as he picked her up in his arms. She rubbed her nose against his t-shirt and he tickled her for that. She yelped, laughing out loud, her eyes glistening. After all she had her mother’s eyes. The same eyes that drew him to her. The same eyes who delivered the judgment that night.

She played with his stubble infested cheeks, very well aware that her father did not like it one bit. He turned towards her, pretending to get angry and growled at her. She kissed his nose and kissed him on his cheek as he walked her out of the front door and set her down. The bus stood at the gate, trembling, it’s large diesel engine on.

“Bye Daddy”, she waved at him.

“Bye Baby”, he stood there watching her.

She turned her head a little sideways, looking past at him and shouted “Bye Mummy”

He froze, half expecting a reply to her call, but it never came.

He turned to see Saanjh’s photo staring at him from the backdrop, over the mantle, the greeting directed at her. Zoey must have put it there.

He turned to see Zoey leave. Waving from the bus, going away. He too raised his hand as farewell, hoping that she did not notice the single line of tear that had crept from his eyes. His body sagging, at the reminiscence of the past, and he stood, a man who once had it all, only to give it away. But this was his penance after all. That was his redemption.

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Dear Females..

Dear Females,

I am done. Finished. Fed up being the good guy. Hearing stories about girls not trusting guys because they cheated, broke their hearts, threatened them or became physical with them. I always hear stories that of girls saying that they just don’t want to be with a guy because of their previous relationships and they are waiting for the good guy and all that. You’re all waiting for your good guy. Your prince in shining armor. All bullshit.

You wouldn’t know a good guy even if one stood in front of you. You look past him infact. “But I always thought we were good friends, nothing more !! And I’m not available emotionally and all”, standard dialogue for every woman when some guy falls for you. Don’t you see if he’s the good guy then or not?? You rather go out with a dickhead who has no idea how to treat a woman and screws you all over, yet you pine for him, worry for him, cry for him..while the other guy.. Your so called “Best Friend” is there by you handing you his napkin. You want men to be chivalrous gents, we are ! just give us a chance to prove it to you. Good guys are there, all around you..and yet all you women wonder where they are..You want good guys?? Know that you’re the ones who make us rare.

I know I’m not going to go down well with many of you..but well who cares..

Sincerely,
A good guy..or just another asshole..

I close my eyes and see you,
You smile, like you always do,
You want to speak but words do not come out,
Now I’m left to wonder what that was all about.

I open my eyes to view a room with empty space,
I want to move but time has locked me in a place,
I began to scream the words of the pain I feel,
Then I stop, saying it makes it seem more real,

The hurtful truth cuts me like a knife,
But there’s little I can do with just this one life.
Finally I can walk but slowly I’ll fall down,
My knees will hit the floor so hard but no one will hear a sound,

I’ll question myself how I got here,
Nothing will answer but my fear,
Realizing now I have to face that fact,
I will ask myself how I will react.
Slowly, I’ll start to get up and I’ll look at the sky,
A single tear will fall down my face as I wonder why I cry,

I’ll wonder to myself why I live life this way,
Smiling back, I know I’ll get my answer one day,
Until then I’ll take my little baby steps, hoping for something new,
Having the hope that in the end I’ll finally have a clue.

What makes you strong..someday that same thing breaks you apart..

Giving up..

I am a point in life where I do not know what to do and where to head out to..For the first time in my life I feel myself crashing everyday through an abyss of dismay and fear. Too many reasons to bring me down. I mask my emotions with a smile, a grin and some friends, but behind that mask I’m still the same. I’ve learnt to live a lie, an action which I dislike, but it is better to lie to them than to explain why..I feel empty..totally numb..I cannot write, I cannot read, I cannot do anything !! I’ve been through tough times but then you were there to pick me up when I fell..not as a lover, but as a friend..

I’ve seen days when nothing comes out right
I’m not saying you should call my name
Just give me warmth, stay alone with me tonight
I’ve got nothing left to use in this life
And I’m just dying to see the end of it all

I can’t help wanting to give up and cry
I want to curse and scream till my lungs give
Stumble over this stone-filled road and die
Because there’s nothing left in this life
And I’m tired of pretending to live

I’ve got this feeling inside me
Of wanting to leave it all behind
Because I want to waste away, waste away
Taking only in that abandonment and decay
I just want to waste away

I’m alone in this world for tonight
I’ve called many times but you won’t answer
I’m done pretending I live in the light
And I know that makes you want to run
So run away from me, the bad person I am

I can’t help how terrible I can be
Exhausted and hungry, this is who I am
I can’t stand life, death means so much more to me
And I’m still thinking of wanting you
Even if I’m not good enough to be with you

I’ve got this feeling inside me
Of wanting to leave it all behind
Because I want to waste away, waste away
Taking only in that abandonment and decay
I just want to waste away

I want to die quietly tonight
I’ve got nothing left to lose
I’ll always keep you in my sights
As I waste away, waste away..

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Hello Readers, I hope this post finds you all well. I am trying out again my chapter wise story model and I hope you all like this one too. Please post your comments on the same.

Regards,
The Radical Guy (Nipath)

PART I

The car veered onto the sidewalk at a breakneck speed. The brakes were useless. I could not have stopped anyways. Hitting the barrier, and breaking it, the car shot off the bridge..Slowly falling, I saw the water coming closer and closer.I closed my eyes. Time it seemed had slowed down. My end could be near as I saw it..I could have prayed. Maybe I should have prayed. But only if praying would keep me afloat. I did not know how to swim..This I knew was going to be my end.

With a deafening crash, the car hit the water, hood first. It stayed arched at that angle for a second or so and then went in. The waters quickly lapped the car up, coming in from every direction. I struggled against the air bag. Unbuckling the seat belt as the water rose to my waist. The car was slowing but steadily going in. My fear and horror of water getting to me, as i realized that on the quiet road there was no one who had seen that crash.My only hope was the air bag. Inflated right after the impact, I slit the inflated structure,releasing the air into car. I rose with the water, a small layer of air remained above as the car was engulfed with water. I gasped for air, breaking on the surface. I knew my survival depended on the air bubble in the car, and slowly but steadily I was running out of oxygen.

Maybe I was hoping too much in the end. The night was silent as death. The water cold,calm,reassuring and calling me in.

A lady..Like None Other..

Never have I seen a girl so beautiful,
With skin so amazingly radiant and flawless.
I know you were no ordinary individual,
Instead you were like a seraphic goddess.

“Beautiful” was the first word that came to mind,
As you walked into the room and caught my eye.
You possess a beauty so rare and hard to find,
Like a sacred treasure money cannot buy.

There are some, who get a chance with this treasure,
And spend their time talking instead of doing what they say.
But that opportunity rarely lasts forever,
For they don’t know how to treat this goddess the right way.

But I am not like those who came before me,
Because I don’t try saying the right thing just to get with you.
So, just give me a chance and I promise you’ll see,
That I know how to treat a woman…especially one like you.

🙂

This is what the protest is all about..Shame on them..

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Having pontificated for two days over the tornado of protests that have hit Delhi, I found time to contemplate if I *really* knew what they were protesting about. So I asked someone who has lived there and experienced the alternating splendor and horror of Delhi; my wife. This is what she had to say.

I love Delhi, the city. I love its wide, open roads, its wonderful architecture. I’ve made great friends in Delhi. I went to a wonderful school in Delhi. I’ve also suffered in Delhi. I’m one of millions of women with tales to tell of how Delhi has ground our self-respect and security to dust. General descriptions of harassment can’t adequately describe the horror a woman faces every day in the city. There isn’t a single moment when you’re walking its streets that you can think “I’m safe, I can breathe easy and enjoy the sunshine. What…

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Rape victim

Remember Remember,O India,this December..
Where women are not safe and Protesters are cannoned..
Remember this fire,Remember the injustice given..
For we sit silent on the verge of a revolution..
A Government,which we elect,sits uptight on the notion,
And the men sworn to protect,are the ones who hit without hesitation,
Remember Remember,O India,this December..
A one filled with hate and a stark glorification,
A nation where goddesses are worshiped,
But it’s women raped in the open..
A country where women do not step out in the dark without hesitation,
While the lust hungry wolves roam out in the open,
Without boundaries or fears they lay their hands on our women open,
The people around them silent for the fear of defamation,
They crib and they cry,but their own safety do they not let deny,
They condemn the acts,but take no prevention,
So is the Government of this great nation..
We protest in peace,with no arms or action,
Still they rain upon us without justification,
We merely demand an answer which was not given,
Remember Remember,O India,this December..
Where the nation cried,
To the pains and the sufferings the daughters of this country have been given..

I am but a writer..and this is how I show my support..For as an Indian..and more importantly as a man..It is my duty to help and protest..Let us not kill the fire..Keep it burning alive, till humanity in the nation is alive.

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Please be allright..

Will I ever love again?
A question on my mind
Will I ever love another?
Like you in this life

If it was meant to be it’ll happen
This is what I am told
But I fear I won’t find another
And will die alone

Will I ever love again?
I really miss you now
Will I ever love again?
Thinking about it just brings me down

I wake up at night
With sweat in my eyes
My heart starts pounding
And I begin to cry

Well it’s better to have loved
And I still have my memories
They’ll always make me happy
And set my heart at ease
today I learned a lesson
that will always be true
saying goodbye to someone
is the hardest thing to do

I’ve never felt a loss
until I said goodbye
I thought I was strong
and I broke down and cried

never will I forget
the times we had
though the reflections are happy
it makes me rather sad

the most brutal of men
cries at the past
I only wish
the good times would last

so I humor myself
I’d smile if I could
why can’t things work out?
Because life isn’t supposed to be that good

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I never knew I had the courage to do this..Write about something that haunts me..This was a brush with the unknown..Something that made believe not to screw around with the forces of the other world and that some places are not meant to be visited or even remotely tried to be found again..Somethings better lay at peace..Somethings better be..This story involves a few friends..They do not want to be named..They shall not be..They were there with me and this is our secret..So be it..

Youth..The times when life’s carefree and there are no worries..No fear of the future, nothing at all..We were wandering free birds, newly gotten our mean machines, read our bikes and being the youngsters we were, we would head out on Saturday Nights to explore places. In and around the city, roaming like free birds in the name of nightouts we had gone and explored a various number of places..Various eating joints, Various places where we could sit for hours ordering just a cutting cup of tea and laugh and cry without being hushed about and made to leave our table..But we also did discover a haunted place..A place and an experience that still haunt us..will haunt us..Forever..

We rode out into the night..The six of us, three bikes and a night full of adventure waiting for us. We took to the highway, the wind in our hair, the laughter on the road resounding around us and not looking back one bit..I wish we had, Because if we did, we would have made a choice and then it wouldn’t have happened. And I would not have been writing this.

We sped along, getting off the highway on to a road leading somewhere, none of us were afraid, just enjoying the ride in the night and each other’s company. We weren’t looking where we were going and where we were headed..Just following the road.Maybe the company of your friends does you that. Having them around you gives you a sense of uplifting and knowing that having them around you. Maybe that’s why we survived.That’s why we got out of that place..

Like I said we rode off the highway, onto a dusty track, my friend leading the way saying he knew of a place to go and sit around. We followed. We always did. Anyone would do. But what he didn’t say that he’d lost the way..He didn’t say he didn’t know where we were going..And we didn’t question him..

The night and it’s surroundings got better of us, the talks died down, and the howling winds made our arms tug deeper into ourselves. The lights and the civilizations were left far behind as our headlights pierced the pitch black darkness that surrounded and engulfed us. The fears growing when around the path I saw that there were hardly any plantations growing, half cut crops swayed in the breeze, the moonlight glowing upon them.

The figures of a few houses drew up close as we headed to the end of the road. We got off, and at that exact moment, a cry rain through the air, the cry if a cat, somewhere we could not see. My heart skipped a beat and my friends nervously stared at each other. We didn’t what to do for sometime, rooted to the spot. The darkness engulfed us again. The moonlight not helping.

Finally we did get ourselves under control, and regrouped. I looked around, seeing three huts and a single brick house, the only one with a door, and it was shut. One of my friends realized that it was unnaturally quiet for a dwelling place. He was right. There was a pin drop silence except for the rustling of the leaves. We should have left then, but the young blood, the urge that anything can be taken on drove us to go and look inside the houses. Only later did we realize that somethings in this world cannot be taken on. Nor are they meant to be.

We split into groups of two. Four of us headed to the huts and two headed to the brick house. The huts were to the right and the brick house to the left and our bikes behind us. I walked to the hut, peeking around, trying to look inside and trying to figure out what was on the inside, when I realized the hut had no door. I beckoned to my friend and went inside. He was right behind me, and what we say..froze our blood.

Inside the hut, were clothes strewn around, just thrown there, the utensils half overturned and left. It looked as if someone had left the place in a hurry, and in the moonlight I saw a rag doll, looking straight at the door.

I half expected it to get up and walk towards us or offer us a sinister smile but it didn’t. My friend looked around and we both were scared, our heart beats rising and we went out and were headed to our bikes where my other two friends stood, beckoning them to start the bikes and get out of that place. We didn’t notice the other two friends who were at the brick house, and we turned around when one of them let out a cry.

I ran, as fast as I could and say one of them had fallen down, and the other one was trying to get him to stand up and move. I rushed into help, the man on the floor pointing towards something. And then I saw. The red hand print. The human hand print on the half closed door of the house. The red, the blood, still flowing down on the door..Running, still fresh..and all I could do was freeze.

An arm jerked me to my senses and we ran to our bikes and quickly powered them up and sped off. Just drove, nobody talked, still shivering, still reliving the moment. And I looked back as we sped away, and I know I say a black cat, it’s eyes shining and just staring at us.

Epilogue:

We went back to our friend’s and just sat there till wee hours in the morning. We’v never talked about it and that certainly brought an end to our late night outings. I did talk to him, the friend who fell down and pointed that hand print out of me. This is what he said had happened.

” You guys went to the huts and I and T were still skeptical about going in. He insisted that we should get a look. I went first, he was behind me. The door was a two door and both had to be shut to be locked. Both of them were open. I swung the right side in and T was behind me. We stepped inside and just then, the left side swung shut, itself. T rushed first opening the door and just stood there, horrified. I ran into him and we both fell, he got up and then I saw that. The hand print. Blood all over, and I swear it was fresh blood, because it was still oozing down from the print. I was stunned and T was trying to get me up. I don’t know what would have happened if we were a little inside but I don’t know how the door was shut by itself”

I don’t know myself how the print was on the outer part of the door, but whatever it was, it was sign.. A sign that somethings in life shouldn’t be messed around with. Mortals are not meant to.

I lay in my bed and think about you
I love you so much I don’t know what to do
I feel your warmness at my side
The pain in the heart moves to my eyes
So far away yet you’re always so near
Maybe You’re the reason I am still here.

I await the times when we can talk
Finally hold hands and walk
To feel you for real, real close to me
The happiest person in the world is what you would make me.

Your eyes shine like a summer’s sun
You smile more brightly than anyone
It stops my world even for a little while
I await the time when my hand is in yours
Maybe to hear you say those 3 little words.

There are still no words I can say to describe
My heart it aches and my eyes they cry
But when we talk my heart flies
Your voice wipes away the tears from my eyes

Even thought you aren’t here
And I miss you so much
I’ll love you forever and ever
I’ll always love you my far-off lady love.

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Spirits, Ghosts and Evil Beings. We all know about them and speak of them with an impending sense of fear and awe. There are powerful things existing in this world that we are not aware of. Things that roam in the night and it might a fickle of imagination for the human mind or there may be actually something unknown. We always fear what we do not understand..And maybe somethings are not meant to understood or to be screwed around with. They are just meant to be feared and respected. I was a non-believer, until it happened to me. I have never shared this anyone except a few people close to me and I’ve had a few experiences so far. This one nearly got me killed. Maybe I was there at the wrong moment, at the wrong place and at the wrong time..But I lived to tell the tale..

The bus full of happy people returning from the picnic was a joy to watch. There were a few sad faces as this was the last trip that we would be having as we were passing out in a few months. The last three days had been a blast. Good times in fact. Graduation is always fun, and the Students Association Picnics were a treat for us. The ramblings from Udaipur had taken us quite a wee few hours to get home and it was around 2 a.m. that the bus landed at my college. The flurry of goodbyes and good nights and see you tomorrow had happened before I realized that I did not have my vehicle. None of my friends were going in the directions my home was and yet I being the person that I am, refused to let them take trouble on my behalf. I told them I’d find a rickshaw or just walk down to my place. I also didn’t want to call up my dad as I did not want to wake him up from his sleep, knowing that he was a light sleeper. So I slung the bag over my shoulder and started walking. My home was a good 3.5-4 kilometers away from my home and I had planned to find a rickshaw near the bridge that I had to climb to get across. There was a graveyard at the end of the bridge but I was taking my chances.

Walking on I realized how silent and deathly quiet the world was around me, the only solace being that there were people sleeping the pavements of the bridge, yet not a single vehicle or a soul which was awake was around me. I tugged my jacket closer, trying to keep the thoughts of impending doom out of my mind, which is a human tendency to happen when you know you’re alone. And how wrong I was.

The graveyard approached at the side of the road, I cast a nervous eye over it. Nothing stirred..But my heart still raced. I quickened my feet and the sight of a police van on the other side of the road, and I could breathe easy for sometime alteast. They did not stop by me, nor did they even glance in my direction, but I made it through the patch of the road. I headed on towards my home. All alone now. The stretch of road going as far as the eye could see, and now not a single living soul to be seen.

We Indians believe in funny superstitions. We say one should not eat or speak words relating to “Come” or so at crossroads as we believe in the fact that somehow spirits reside in those areas and saying something like that shall invite them with us. Well I passed a major crossroad, near a circle that branched out into four roads. It was again an uneasy feeling as I suddenly remembered that one major accident had taken place at the circle itself which had resulted in a man’s on the spot death, a few months ago around the same time..

Steeling my nerves I turned into the lane that would take me home. My blood ran cold as I suddenly realized that there was not a single lamp post lit on the whole road. Instincts took over, the rush of fear washing over my body, but I had nowhere to go. I could not go back to the circle and take the longer route home. I calmed myself and started walking silently praying.

The street dogs looked up from their midnight scrapping for food and looked up at me. Their presence was uplifting, as there were five of them, standing together huddled. I called out to them, beckoning them with my hand, holding an imaginary piece of morsel in front of them. I suddenly felt my spirits lift for one of them came towards me, wagging it’s tail..And then it happened.

Two of the dogs, whom I had passed and they were behind me let out a growl. A, low and ferocious growl. I turned to see what they were growling at and I saw them, barring their teeth at something behind me. I whipped around to see that there was not a single living soul on the whole breath of the road behind me. I swallowed a lump in my throat, and saw the dog nearest to me was now, growling at me. One of the dogs behind me yelped, and suddenly they all ran. Away from me..And it came.

Firstly, I lost control of my legs. How much ever I tried, I could not move them. It was as if I was paralyzed from the waist down. It was like someone had cemented my feet to the road. The air around me suddenly got chilly. My breathing started getting heavy, it was something was trying to constrict me.The wind got knocked out of me and despite the jacket zipped up to my neck, I felt a constriction on it. It was light, but firm. I was getting a bit delusional, the feeling on my neck growing as if something had my neck in it’s grip.

I’m an atheist. The religion that was given to follow when I came into the world was Jainism. Maybe I’ve never found my god in our Derasars (Temples), and I was/am not a firm believer of God and his ways, but my mother insists that I wear a Red sting with a small bag on top which is known as RakshaPotli..Essentially meaning the sacred thread of protection. And so just to appease my mother, I still wear one to this day.

I was about to pass out, the black out about to happen, when my left hand touched upon my right hand, landing right on the thread. As soon as my hand touched that, I heard a loud scream from behind me, right in my ear and I fell forward, gasping for air. Maybe it was good luck or fate that half falling, half running I made it to a small roadside temple that was at the side of the road. Still delusional, I remember seeing a figure, walking towards me and then vanishing.

For two hours,till the sun rose, I sat there..In front of the temple. Only when the daily activities had started and I was given the creepy looks by the milkman, did I find the courage to get up and walk down home. The night replayed for me all over again and again. I told no one what had happened. Even I was not sure if it happened or not, but when I took off my jacket, there were the marks on my neck. A thumb impression to the right and four fingers to the left.

Epilogue:

I do not know what happened or why it happened or who did it. I did not have the courage to go about finding about it. There have been numerous times that I’ve passed through the same road, but never again have I seen the figure or felt the same ever again. It’s not something that I’m proud of to have lived and survived to tell the tale. I have grown a fear of the unknown. My hands are still shaking as I type, but I have survived it. Maybe I shall sleep peacefully tonight as an upper being looks over me, or shall lie awake as a creature from the other world watches me?

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My Destiny..

Together we may struggle
but without you all I feel is pain.
Sometimes I may seem confused
but there is one thing that will never change.

The feelings I have for you don’t fade or go away.
They continue to grow stronger each day with every day.
Life without you is something I can’t imagine.
From within my soul, it’s you I miss.

I understand this world more than you may know.
I could believe in fate and put up a fight.
Cuz you and I are written.
And it is a truth I’d like to write.

We both have scars,
with memories that can not be erased,
but together we are stronger.
In your hands my heart has been placed.

This is a choice I have made.
I understand the risk I take.
Please hold my heart dear to you.
Careful to never break.

If you do stumble or fall,
please don’t forget to gather all the pieces.
It’s your choice of what to do with them.
My love for you never ceases.

What’s meant to be..Shall always find a way..Always..Whatever we share, means the world to me..We might go through ups and downs..everybody does..but I know that we will make it..They say a man makes his own destiny by his actions..I know my destiny and the destination.. 🙂

For what I need to live with has been given to me by the earth…Why I need to live has been given to me by you..

How we love..

“You’re in love with me… Why ?” She asked.

“Beats the shit out of me…But I am…” was my only reply..

She tightened my grip on my hand. I looked up at her, standing besides me. Her hair swaying, her lips constantly moving, her eyes swaying, surveying the new environment with a sense of awe and fear. I smiled at her. We were best friends since kindergarten and finally in high school. She never left my hand till we reached her class. Hugging me, she turned and walked away. I watched her go, as if waiting for her to stop and look back. She did, and I sheepishly smiled and waved back. My best friend was my love, and I so wanted to tell her that I loved her. Loved her so very much but I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

Like a seraph skimming the clouds, as she walked up to the stage to receive her graduation scroll, my heart skipped a beat. I stood up to clap for her. She ran towards me, ecstatic and hugged me, planting a big kiss on my cheek, as she thanked me for being there with her all this time and also for being her best friend. I wanted to correct her but the words never came. Her mirth drowned out my words, What if my words would hurt her ? I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I took her hand and lead her down the aisle, looking up at her. She smiled nervously, making me twitch. They say a woman always looks most beautiful in her bridal dress. I couldn’t have agreed more. Like an angel descending from the sky she moved slowly towards the alter. With each step she took forward, I felt my love walking away. A love which only I had known of. A tear fell from my eye as she uttered ” I Do”. I wanted to tell her that it should have been myself in place of Matthew, but it was a secret which I had to carry with me to my grave. Because I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I stood in front her grave. Crying, uncontrollably. Rain pelted on my face, soaking me in seconds. Tears rolled down my eyes as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Her diary lay open in my hand, open to a page where she had written, ” I don’t know how to tell this to Neil, but I love him so much. I think he loves me too but I’m afraid to ask. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose him. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love. But I hope he knows ”

Too late. Too afraid. But my best friend, my true love was gone..Gone forever..

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My Girl..

Image

I have a girl, a good one
A girl who looks after me
A girl with a winning smile
A girl who makes me laugh
A girl who is beautiful
A girl who is kind and strong
I have a girl who ticks boxes
A girl who is something special
A girl who is loving and caring
A girl who with great patience
A girl I’m lucky to know
A girl you’d dream about
I have a girl I’d fight for
A girl who makes me think
A girl I’d write poetry for
I have a girl, a good one
And she’s a girl I wouldn’t swap the world for
Cuz She’s just way too perfect for me..

🙂

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All I think about is you..

In our Lives, we human beings, are a sad bunch of creatures, making mistakes, hurting the people who love us, breaking their hearts, not living up to the beings we promised them to be..The human mind does involve seldom forms of nature tearing two hearts apart without them knowing it..I’m no man of steel..I make mistakes and hurt my loved ones allthough I do not do it intentionally. I messed up, I screwed up but I’m not gonna sit back..I’m gonna make it right..And I’m sorry and I’ll have to live with it all my life knowing that I was the reason a single tear left your eyes..I’m sorry..

MY WONDERFUL WOMAN, I APOLOGIZE.
FOR THE TIMES I MADE YOU CRY.
I KNOW I MESSED UP AND THAT IS TRUE.
BUT HONESTLY BABY I DO LOVE YOU.
YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE ME OR CARE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
YOU’R THE ONE I LOVE AND ARE ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
I GIVE YOU MY HEART, BODY AND SOUL AND EVERYTHING BEHIND.
I’M WRITING THIS LETTER SO I CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.
TO APOLOGIZE AND SHOW THAT YOU’RE A WONDERFUL WOMAN

Waking up, looking at you
and knowing the sun is high in the blue-
I realize everything is beautiful.

Feeling you brush across my cheek
brings my morning to its peak-
I realize everything is beautiful.

Sipping my coffee, I look into your eyes
Ones full of life, joy, love and surprise-
I realize everything is beautiful.

Hearing the words slip from your lips
those same which greeted me with a morning kiss-
I realize everything is beautiful.

Love, you don’t know what you do
But every move… makes me more in love with you.
So, Good Morning, Beautiful. You are My Everything.

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I have found out, over the past several years, that one of the hardest things to do is to be honest with myself. And even writing this out is so difficult…

Nonsense, in fact, is a very difficult thing- it lasts, but a while!!

A fair realization of the incredible degree of diversity I follow, appeals! – For me, it’s all the experiences that I’ve been through, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the laughter and the tears, the friends and the jerks, the black and the white… everything; – Struggling to be restored to the place where it belongs!! I’d like to know more stuff, but probably can’t be bothered to find out.

Important? Yes! Critical? Absolutely. I would go so far as to say that…

Once a man has changed the relationship between himself and his environment, he cannot return to the blissful ignorance he left. Motion, of necessity, involves a change in perspective. Theories, for me, are judged by the coherence they lend to our natural experience and the simplicity with which they do so… For, if you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words.

And all of it is alive with the hideous vitality of things that have organized themselves amid disorganization. I’m a proactive daydreamer, inactive achiever. Trilingual, Metrosexual, Polyphonic- and all of it bottoms up!

My head is in the clouds, but my feet are well grounded. I love to dance. Laughter is definitely the elixir that cures all ills.

And for those who fall in love every Monday, and those who don’t, and those who might – One of the most dangerous things you can ask for when it comes to love, is a warranty card!!

It’s been a long time since I saw the moon…

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I used to know a woman deep within the sky,
She was sweet and had something pure to her cry,
But things changed and the distance caused her to flee,
There are no more beautiful skies of stars left to see.
My heart had shattered like a rock smashing a car windshield,
MY moves used to be smooth but now I must yield.
Our souls used to tangle more than vines growing up a tree,
But the newspapers are all sold out, There are no stories for me.
The fifth amendment is the only defense left to plea,
With her I could pick my battles and win my wars,
See the sun and the sky, but no longer that star outdoors.

My inspiration..

You are my inspiration
Having you in my life
Revived my sleeping devotion
You are indeed a special someone

Loving you gives me hope
To free this misery that I coped
In those times I gave up
You came and I stood up

Never will I forget
How you always cheer me up
Every time I’m sad
And for that I’m glad

Whenever I’m lonely
You were there for me
Keeping my heart alive
With your every smile

I dedicate this poem to you
To show how much you meant
To me I love you
My special someone

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For the special someone..You know who you are..and that is enough..

I will walk with you without going astray
Even if hardships ahead they lay
I will give you a loving hug everyday
No matter whether the sky is sunny or gray
I will shield you when harm comes your way
You must not be hurt come what may
I will make your days happy and gay
For your fears I will try to allay
I will remember the days to buy you a bouquet
‘Till I’m old and my memory is in disarray
I now only have this to convey
That I love you and my love is here to stay.

Forever and Ever. Till eternity and beyond.

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The following story is in no way related to anyone. The scenes, the actions are in no way supported by me or my writings. It’s just a dark side of society that I have wanted to portray, a dark side that we all know exists and yet we fear to acknowledge. I do not blame anyone for their actions; I’m no one to judge. But my stories are only a medium of knocking on someone’s conscience. And again thank you for taking time out and reading my post 🙂

PART I

The winds howled that night, the dogs having cowered into any shelter that they could find, whimpering for the storm to end. Rains lashed on the windows, the lightning setting the tone for a fearful night. A tree came crashing down somewhere, the old buildings creaked.

Despite this, the screams and the shouts were distinctively heard over Nature’s chaos. The neighbor’s glued to their windows, trying to make decent assumptions for their tongues tomorrow. The pelting rain made their visibility difficult so they could not see a body in white being thrown out on the road, a figure clutching a small boy to its bosom. Abuses followed from inside the house, as the door slammed shut on her and her son. The rain poured down as her sobbing began, her son trying to wipe the tears off her face, but the tears and the rain just came. The boy confused, clung to her and wept.

A few of them saw what happened, but being the good neighbors they were, they would let their tongues do the talking tomorrow, rather than their actions today.

She sat there as the storm abated as the dawn approached, not moving an inch, the tears forming a iron clad will, her only solace that her son was with her.

PART II

Vikram was pacing up and down the corridor, a whirlpool of emotions running through his mind, when he heard the cry. The world around him had fallen into a deathly silence and the cry of a new born filled the area. He looked heaven words, a single tear rolling out of his eye. A tear of joy, a tear of becoming a father. His son had been born. A son who would make him proud with his achievements, a son who would take his name forward , a son who would be there for him in his old age and a son who would light his pyre and send him to the heavens.

An ecstatic Vikram had made a decision even before he looked at his son.

The hand that had grown coarse with handling machines in the mill were now shivering as he held his son for the first time. The boy snuggled, deep in sleep in his father’s arms, the love of the newly born father overflowing.

“This calls for a celebration”, he said as he looked warmly from his son to his wife.

“Celebration?” Pooja asked perplexed.

“Yes, a celebration, a feast, for everyone for my son has been born. My son”

“But, Vikram, where will we get the money for the feast? We have hardly enough money to pay for the hospital expenses”

“I’ll get the money from Dev bhai, you don’t worry”

“NO !, your brother may be a money lender but don’t forget that he threw you out of your ancestral home and made papa sign the deed taking the ancestral house in his name and threw you out of your own house. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.”

“Pooja, you worry too much, anyways the fault was all mine. I bet he’s forgiven me already.”

She had an impending sense of doom but she kept it within her, knowing her husband had very well had made up his mind already.

The small house was more than decorated for the occasion. The guests poured in. Vikram’s laughter and hospitality enhanced the evening. Even amongst the flurry of people wishing her and praising the health of the boy, Pooja could not help but catch a few glimpses of Vikram as he went around playing the perfect host. The smile on his face was the biggest she had seen, and her only solace was that her life and taken a new meaning and that Vikram was happy.

Little did she know that this smile was the last one she would see on his face.

The celebrations for the arrival of the scion of the family proved to be too hefty. Vikram lost his job due to the factory where he used to work as a supervisor, shut down. The brother came down heavy for his payments and Vishal started to work double shifts as a menial shop floor worker, and contracted tuberculosis. One day his son prodded him to get up, but he never did.

PART III

She stared at the house, reminiscing the day it had been so beautifully decorated. A furious rage ran through her wanting to blame the child, but how could she? A mother she was after all. She clutched the child to her bosom, the hair matted to her face, her figure ghostly. She walked off into the rising dawn, the dawn of her life being eclipsed forever.

Picking up the broken pieces of her life, Pooja set out to rebuild it and Mahesh became the center of her world. She worked menial jobs, worked as a maid, a household help to help fulfill her daily needs and to collect enough money to send Mahesh to a school, toiling hard day and night. Dawn to dusk she worked, trying to bring up the boy with her meager income. Yet times would come when she forgave her part of the food for the growing lad, never letting the finances dip in his school fees and expenses.

Yet, the societal pressures on her were a constant worry for Pooja. Boys questioned Mahesh about his father, the neighbors questioned her about her past and the attention she grabbed from the lust filled eyes that followed the widowed mother across the chawal and the lewd comments that were made, when she passed the flesh thirsting wolves, who made no attempt to hide their desires.

The most prominent of the stares came from her landlord, a fat, burly man in his fifties whose eyes never left the young widow, whenever she passed by him, twirling his mustache he tried to strike a conversation whenever he could, a courteous smile or a nod misread, always looking for a chance.

Mahesh grew and so did his expenses and it start occurring that Pooja found herself a few short to make her ends meet. One day she found that she enough money to either pay for Manan’s books or the rent. She chose to spend on the former, hopeful that the landlord would understand and she went to his place to bid a few days’ time.

A single fan whirred as she entered the darkened room, the pot-bellied man, under the fan, a half-finished bottle of country liquor sat on the table besides him. The room stank of alcohol of alcohol and sweat. He half-opened his eyes and saw her angelic in white standing at her door petrified of her surroundings.

Pooja realized that she had come at a wrong time, as the half-naked man got up and drew closer. She mumbled of coming to him later, although the drunken man would hear none of it.

She explained him of her situation and asked for a few more days to pay the rent.

“But some arrangement has to be done?” he sneered.

“I’ll get you your money in three days, please give me some time until then” she pleaded.

He thought over, taking a huge gulp from the bottle, eying her lustily “But then again, even I need something in return from you” and grabbed her arm and pushed her into himself.

She struggled against his grip, her shouts resounding in his empty house. He grabbed her, she bit him hard. He roared in pain, she took the opportunity to free her hand from his grip and landed a weak but effective kick to his crotch. He doubled forward, falling to the floor, trying to get up but the alcohol finally kicking in, she ran leaving him on the floor.

Mahesh would never know why his mother sat in the corner and cried all night. He assumed it to be the rains.

PART IV

“Stop it Mandy, Don’t do that. Mom might see”, she looked at the man who was gazing her lovingly and trying to tickle her.

“Let her, she’ll have to get used to it anyways, we’r getting married soon anyways”

A throat cleared in the back ground, startling the young couple from their comfort zones. Pooja walked in glaring at the young man, but her eyes softened at the sight of her new to be bride. Mahesh had come back from Bombay after completing his studies and also had brought along Anvesha along with him. They had met in college and had fallen in love and now wanted to marry each other. Pooja had given her consent although Anvesha’s uncle was against her marriage with Mahesh.

The wedding took place with all the glamor that it could take place with and once again Pooja was contented with her life. A sense of pride washed over her as she watched her son enter her home with his bride and the contentment of being able to successfully fulfill the tasks of a mother even thought it took such a struggle, which she made a point to never let it be known to Mahesh about what all she had gone through.

The couple was happy and contented with each other and this had Pooja at ease. Allthough there were somethings she would have rather not had her daughter in law do, but she stayed mum over it. Partly because she did not have the courage to and partly because she blamed it on her generation gap. She did try telling Anvesha a few times, but the wife turned a deaf ear and complained to Mahesh that his mother was hounding her. Tensions ensured between the couple and tempers had flown quite a few times. Mahesh was getting increasing frustrated day by day. Anvesha too would be seen dishing her anger at everything possible. Pooja tried talking to her daughter in law but she was in no mood to set things right.

Pooja thought it was better to stay out and stop interfering in the couple’s life. Months passes and soon Anvesha bore the family its newest member, Siddharth, who quickly became his grand mother’s only passion. Her whole days went taking care of the new-born and trying to usher the boy with all the love humanly possible.

Anvesha became worried of the influence that the old lady would have on her son and thus started keeping Siddharth away from his grand mother.

“Mahesh, It’s high time we think of moving to our own house.”, she said as she patted Siddharth asleep.

“But Anvesha, this is our own house. Our own home”

“It might be yours, but not mine. For me it’s the old woman’s house and nothing more. I cannot let my son grow up being in influence of the old woman”

“Mind your language Anvesha, that old woman is my mother and your mother in law. Don’t you dare speak such about her”, he exploded.

“Fine then Mahesh, it’s your choice then. Either you can have the house and your mother or you can have me and our son. I’ll be going to my Uncle’s place in two days. You have to decide till them”, came the ultimatum.

The son and the husband were at a clash. Mahesh knew that Anvesha had already made a decision and would go through with it, how much ever he tried. but there was no way he could leave his mother.

What the young couple did not notice was that Pooja was already standing outside the door, and had overheard the conversation. She too had made a resolute decision. She thought it was best to leave her son to live his own life in his own terms rather than be a part of it and it was after all for her’s son’s happiness.

PART V

The train rolled into the platform. The early morning breeze waving over the place. The cool atmosphere of the hills brewing over the misty morning. Mahesh got out first with the two bags, Pooja behind him. They hadn’t spoken a word since they had boarded the train. The walk and the drive to the Ashram was marred by the same unruly silence between them.

The attendant came and took the bags to Pooja’s room. The other elderly people looked on at the new entrant and the son as if probing them with their eyes. Mahesh had his eyes on the paper work to be filled, although he could feel the eyes boring into him. He did wonder as to what was the reason during the entire journey he could not look into the eyes of his mother. It was her decision to come to this place and spend her days away from them. Still what was the reason that he could not look her nor any other person in the room in the eye. He tried to get the best one that he could for his mother.

Their meeting was short and curt. The customary touch of the feet, a mother’s concern for her boy and his family, a son’s necessary words of calling him if she needed anything, and he was gone. A single tear left her eye as he made his way to the gate. Not looking back once.

Mahesh took his window seat on the train and fell into deep thoughts. The rustling of a news paper jerked him from his thoughts and he found himself sitting in front a white bearded man clad with a khadi jacket and press card around his neck.

“Hello, My name’s Ashok. I’m a reporter with the Times of Hindustan.”

“Mahesh, working with Mahindra.Ltd.”

“so what brings you to Shimla, all alone ?”

“Work”, came the curt reply from a man who wanted to keep to himself.

“Ah I came down here for work too. You see I’m doing a report on the Old Age Homes in and around the area”

“Old Age homes ?”

“Oh yes, they have come up aplenty in these few years. It’s like a trend these days it seems. But many of them are very badly maintained. They may charge you but they do nothing for the inmates there. Dirty rooms which no one cleans, mattresses filled with bed bugs and so on. No personal hygiene maintained. The food there is shabbily prepared and the quality of the same is worse. There are no in doctors even. The aged inmates have to work on their own..

His voice trailed off as Mahesh’s mind went back to his mother and to the hell he had pushed her into. He wanted to get off the train but Anvesha’s threat did not make him move. A tear gleamed on his face, as the son within him died that day.

Epilogue

I’m no one to judge anyone. These are just my views on the society that I see today and my stories are based on such true life incidences that happen.

We do hear a lot of cases of female feticide and parents being thrown into Old Age homes. I’m not saying that Boys are bad and Girls are good. It’s left to your own personal choice. I’m just asking you make the right choice. If Mahesh had been a girl then the story might have been completely different. Might have been. I dunno. But the fact that wanting a boy and not a girl is itself degradory. If your mother would have been killed in the womb, you would have never been born.

I know it’s difficult for a husband to survive with the son inside but it has to be done. I have seen men take responsibility of their entire families and still they are the happiest. This is my bit to stop the Mahesh inside all of us. Hopefully.

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The Redemption…

Hey Readers 🙂

Just for starters, this is a new concept I’m trying. I’ll be putting up my story in parts, and the parts would continue one after the other.Hope you all like this one, and if you do please comment on and promote my blog 😀

And just a disclaimer, the story or its names do not denote real life incidences nor am I targeting any religious group for any activities.

Regards,
The Radical Guy

Part I

She ran through the woods, her laughter echoing through the silent jungle. I ran behind her, but somehow she always remained elusive of my reach. I ran after her, but she playfully always managed to dodge my grip. Her laughter filled the forest and then suddenly a shot rang out. Birds flew in all directions. Blood spew all over me, and I ran forward to catch her. Blood oozed from her as I caught her, but she was already limp. I turned around to find a man in a black mask. Same height. Same built. A same. Me. I looked at her body, the eyes were open, the lips parting and she had started to smile. The smile then turned into a grin and then broke into a hysterical laughter, and she screamed was “I thought u loved me, Javed”

I woke up, sweating and stared at the clock. The blue light blared 3:20 am. I felt thirsty, but the nightmare was too much for me to take, and I did not want to wander in the house at this hour. I felt my hand shaking as i lit up, the smoke filling the balcony. My head lightened as the nicotine worked on my mind. But my patience was breaking. It was happening all over again. The same dream. Again and again. I stared at Imran’s back and watched him sleep, but even his face was like his mother’s. I had become a morbid soul. Unable to sleep, unable to work, I saw her face everywhere. For eight years I had with stood the nightmares but that stupid dog finding that skull had been the final nail in the coffin. I could not take it anymore.

I picked up the telephone and dialed 911.

Detective Stoner looked at me squarely in the eye, not blinking once. His piercing gaze made me stare back, while detective Fuller paced around the room, his footsteps echoing in the area.

“My head hurts”, I said.

Fuller stopped walking and stared at me. Stoner did not move an inch.

“Why the fuck did you do it?”

“What is this Good Cop, Bad Cop ?” I sneered.

“Playing funny are we ?” I felt a sting on my cheek as a swift right hand left a red hand print on my face.

I piped down. Silently whispering my prayers.

“Stop fucking with me. I need answers. Goddammit”.

“She knew. Had to be taken care of”, I whispered.

“What did she know ? She was your wife, god damn it, not some side walking bitch that you killed.”

I knew I was a dead man, when I had surrendered to the police. The orders of execution would be on its way.My organization did not believe in weak men. But I could not survive the dreams, or I’d have to take a bullet to my head. I figured better them than me.

“Mr.Hassan, Why did you kill her ? What did she know ?”

A single tear rolled down my eye and my mind went back to my past.

PART II

I sprinted down the Heathrow’s aisle, amongst the usual hustle and bustle, my footsteps drowned in the din of the worldly chaos. The terminus was swarming with people but she stood out from the rest of the universe, those glaring eyes piercing at me amongst the thousands who stood on that busy airport. I stopped in front of her. She locked her dark, black eyes into my, her gaze holding mine. She frowned and turned away and started walking.

I shook my head and started after her and called out to her, “Aasma, Aasma, I’m sorry. Please wait up”. I caught up with her and held her hand; she turned around, that angry gaze and had mellowed to become moist and wet. She knew my weakness and used it to the maximum effect.

“I’m sorry Aasma.I just got caught with some work”, I tried to calm her down, as I wiped the tears off her cheeks.
“Javed, this would have been the third flight that I would have missed and them I and Imran would have to leave without seeing you”, she said as she guided my hand to her enlarged tummy. I ran a hand over her stomach, as if asking my unborn son to calm his mother down.

She looked at me skeptically, but I had no anger over the woman I loved. She was already going through the pregnancy tantrums and she was also intimidated of flying. I kissed her forehead; she took my hand and kissed my scar. I smiled and bent down and whispered sweet nothings to my son. She smiled despite her tears.

“I’m going to miss you Javed, Ammi and Abbu did want you to come see them too. Told me to bring you along”

“No, Aasma, we’ve been over this. If I didn’t have this important work I would have surely come”

“Boarding for the flight Qnt 842 bound for Karachi, Pakistan has begun. Please proceed to gate number 8”, rang over the aisle.

I watched as the flight slowly mounted to the skies and finally out of sight. I held my hand against the glass, missing them already, as the rising sun gleamed through the glass panes.
My phone rang. Startled, broken out of trance, I fumbled to find it.

A harsh voice boomed on the other side. “Commence operation Pashtun .Allah be with you”.

The person who held the phone was no longer the man who was lost in thought of family. His eyes lost their innocence, his face became taut, his lips whispering a silent prayer to his Allah for victory and the scar on his hand seared.

PART III

The person who held the phone was no longer the man who was lost in thought of family. His eyes lost their innocence, his face became taut, his lips whispering a silent prayer to his Allah for victory and the scar on his hand seared.

I adjusted my glasses, but the frown on my face remained. The time was upon us. The mission that I had prepared for my whole life was about to begin. An orphan adopted by the rebel camps in remote Afghanistan, thrust into the blind followership of Islam and Jihad by the Mujahidin and fuelled by the revenge that burned inside me. I was the son of the local teacher; my father was the richest man in terms of what riches meant to us: cows, sheeps and goats. These along with a lot of hard work in the fields provided meat, milk and hides. Patches of corn grown provided bread and porridge.

There was no reason for me to leave the village till I was eight. The twenty odd families that stayed in the village shared a small mosque. My days were spent tending to the animals and my nights when my father and his brothers gathered around the fire and told stories of the Pashtuani warriors had defeated the red Angleez in these mountains a hundred and fifty years ago, only like it was yesterday.”Always fear a Tiger’s claw, a Cobra’s bite and an Afghani’s vengeance, he used to say. My father taught me some of the language of the foreign land that lay beyond our Afghanistan. Beyond my home in these mountains, there lay an Afghanistan which called itself the Democratic Republic, heavily supported by USSR.

This was the time before the entire Soviet Army rolled through Salang Pass and had taken over Kabul. It was not about Islam now. This was an insult. My father had taught me the rules of the Pukhtunwali, the code by which a Pashtun should live by. Honor, Hospitality and the necessity of vendetta to avenge any insult. These were the rules of the code and Moscow had insulted them. My village did not survive the attack that was brought about by the men from the east. The entire village was burned down and it my father shot while trying to protect the soil that he’d grown on so fiercely protected. It was only a matter of hours before my village and all in it were wiped away. All except me. My Allah had kept me alive to avenge the death of my father and my village.

I found my way to the resistance that had begun in the mountains, to the men who called themselves the warriors of God, Mujahidin. We knew nothing of the cold war but I came to know that my Sardar had powerful friends with the fundamentalist dictator General Zia Ul Haq, the Pakistani President and the Angleez who were the enemies of Russia.

I grew up amongst boys like me, educated in the Koranic school where I was endlessly learning to recite the verses of the Koran, and the rest would be learnt in war. War I went to, but due to my father’s teachings of the Angleez’s language, I was moved out of Afghanistan to London, where the image of a loan manager with a degree from the London School of Economics. Javed Sheikh was not only a well settled man in the society with a family about to start, but he was also one of the revered financer and bomb maker from the camp.

The mission that I had prepared for my whole life was about to begin. I had promised my Sardar, I would do his bidding, even if my life depended on it. This was also the vengeance of a son who had seen his family being ripped by bullets and his village burned down by the Russian and American troops in the name of the land. The time to bid the plan was upon us. The plan was in place and so were the bombs and the so were the men.

On August 13th 1994, five men left their haversack bombs in Central and North London on Subways and the buses. Their bombs ripped apart through the jam packed areas killing eighty two people and injuring several hundred, leaving at least a hundred crippled for life.

The news said that within twenty fours of the explosion the men had been identified and traced to their various residences in and around London and their leader called Mohammad Siddique Khan. Their financer still at large.

My contribution was well rewarded by my Sardar but he said that he still had campaigns planned for me. My vengeance still unquenched.

PART IV

The repercussions of what happened were felt on all the Muslim families in and around London. People feared us, looked at us with disrespect and fear . We had become a clan of monsters to the English mongrels. But I did not mind that. In war there will be casualties and blood will flow of your brothers too but let that make you stronger and your passion towards your goal and your religion more defined and stronger, my Sardar had told me.

The pressure of the mission had made me hysterical. I had become a nervous wreck, eating nothing, talking nothing and spent sleepless nights spent in my basement talking to my Afghani brothers plotting the arrangements of the next vengeance on the white men. Aasma’s concern towards her husband were raised. Soon these concerns turned to fears and then to suspicions. She became suspicious of man I had become. I could not tell her anything risking the fear of putting my family in danger. I started taking my daily doses of opium to sooth my nerves. The fights between us grew frequent and many, and beyond control. I raised my hand on her and she left my house with my boy. I was only too happy to see her go.

My new assignment was to get the transfer of the money from the account of Al Mujahidin to another account for the next bombing. The money was to travel from Afghanistan to Syria, then to Cyprus, then to Cuba and finally to London. It the usual night of the hour and the house had a deathly silence to it. I was in the basement talking about decoding the signals from Afghanistan and the financing that was to take place from Cuba for the next bombing on the Wembley Stadium. The Mujahidin network played in the background reminding me of the purpose of my life and to kill anyone who stood in my way, the fanatism rising in me, my opium pipe in hand, my world felt light headed.

The conversation in progress, i swung around on hearing a stair creak, my hand reaching for my Browning 9 mm and the pipe falling to the ground. There stood Aasma, hands on her mouth, her eyes terrified . She stepped back and stumbled at the sight of the gun. I strained my neck to my right and let out a smile. She backed up and fled. I fired. Missed.

The opium running in my blood pumped up my adrenaline. She had a head start and was out of the back door leading to the woods before I got up the stairs. She ran with all her might and I ran behind her, the woods fast approaching, the silence of the night ruptured by the shots from the suppressor of my 9mm. The foliage thickened, the chill of the night air biting at me. But I ran, the fanatism of her ruining my mission pushing me on. She ran but always remained elusive of my reach, the fear in her eyes showing, her hair astray, her face bearing the signs of cuts. I aimed and fired. The bullet shot whistled through the air. She arched and fell forward, her hair astray, a small cry as the bullet went through her head. She fell dead. The wind howled behind me as I went down on my knees, a single tear rolling down my eyes.

I buried her there in the forest.

PART V

Next day I went to the officials reporting the missing of my wife. The cops came down and investigated but they could not find the body. The neighbors said they saw a couple of white drunk guys following my wife and misbehaving with her on the road. I was only to happy to suffice with that story and so were the police. Her car was found abandoned in another part of the city. The case was closed with the suspects still at large.

I was taken off from the mission by the Sardar, sensing the insecurities that had been built up within me. He told me that I was still one of his favorites and he could get back to me whenever the force needed me. And then the nightmares came. Night after night I would wake up seeing her in my dreams, the same smile, the same fear that I had seen that day. I used to see her at places in my house and then she suddenly vanished. The Hallucinations continued and my mind weathered the storm.

One day me and Imran were strolling along the lawn when the couple living next door walked into theirs. Seeing us they came over for a chat and I knew the woman adored Imran, she having no child of her own. I held my child close to me as they came and the usual round of talks ensured. Suddenly the neighbor’s English Mastiff came pounding out of the woods and bounded towards it’s master with something in it’s mouth. My blood froze when I saw what it was. It was a human skull.

“The same skull that was brought to us, right??” Stoner asked. I slowly nodded.

“I could not take it anymore. She was there. Right there. Laughing at me. Pointing at me and calling out my name. I cannot take it anymore” and I resumed my prayers.

The door was knocked on a file passed to Fuller. He read it and let out a gasp. Stoner went over to look at it and dropped the file.

I looked up. “What is it u scumbags ?? Tell me !! “

“The skull you found Mr. Javed, ….. is more than 200 years old..”

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I am Anna…

The name’s been racing all over the country..He’s on the lips of a billion Indians…One man, did it to get us independent and another is doing it again to get us independent again from the word corruption…But will he be able to do it ?? God bless him, I hope…The feeling I get that is the Indian society has enough, may it be from the traffic policeman who turns his badge around, demands 500 rs and gives a receipt of 100, or whether is the public services officials whose table drawers open at both ends ?? Corruption runs deep in the Indian society, interwoven with its culture, it’s a way of living I’ll go on to say…We cannot think of getting any administrative work done without a bribe,it’s a bloody crime to even think of it..The society today is a parallel abyss of those corrupt politicians and social servants who are fearing the back lash of the Lokpal bill will have on them, and the other is a large group of Indians, normal people who break their backs to make ends meet while the people in power lap up the funds and resources, which were meant for the people of the nation, for their own personal use ?? It’s India time to reckon and shine…It’s people have fully understood the implications and the cause of the bill and thus have ensued to remind the government that this is a democracy and the Indian middle class is no longer to be taken more lightly…India’s out on the streets…and they are calling you…Let’s go Anna…We are with you 🙂

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The Conundrum of David De Gea:.

Debts of blood…

Rain pelted on his face, as he ran. His legs hurt, his body screamed for him to stop, but he ran. He looked back, they were still pursuing, appearing like hungry wolves pursuing their prey. He faltered and fell, and the wolves pounced. Tearing at their fallen quarry, they laughed frantically as they shoved and pushed him around. He cringed with pain as the fists and the kicks landed left and right. Having had their fill with him, the wolves left. Pain seared through his body. Blood ran down his face. The scar throbbed. He let out a scream and then laughed maniacally.

Stanford High. I looked up at the fading crest. My old school. And fate had me back here. I glanced around. Things had changed. In much worse shape. The building looked in a bad shape; shards of broken windows lay on the ground, spray painted illusions covered a better part of the building. Students filed in the building in large numbers. A scrawny little kid ran past me with a book far more colossal than his own weight, and in bold letters written, “Advanced Chemistry”. He hadn’t made it too far when they appeared. Four big jocks came out of nowhere and surrounded him. The raucous started. They pushed him around, slapped him as other students quickly passed them, no one uttering a single word. Many of them watched, silently, some smirking, some cursing under their breath. But nobody intervened. I had a feeling they knew better than to disrupt them. With a one final shove, he fell to the ground, and the book was thrown right at him. Hitting him squarely in the face. The kid had a scar already. Blood seeped out. Nobody even budged to pick him up. I moved forward and held him by the arms and picked him up. He was muttering, “No more, no more, can’t take it anymore. “ He jerked his hand free and walked off. I watched him go.

The receptionist let out big yawn as I came up to her. Students filed the passageway behind me. The usual hustle-bustle of the school pulled me back to from my reminiscence. The receptionist still stared at me. “I have an appointment with Mr. Baker.”
“The principal’s office is that way”, came the curt reply.

I turned around to the crowd, my eyes darting around. A shadow creeping up behind the gym doors caught my eye. The shadow got bigger and bigger. In its hand there was something. Something familiar. Realization struck. During my time in the army stationed at Afghanistan, it was something which even a kid could be seen carrying in the streets. A god damn bloody AK-47, one of the most deadly weapons known to mankind. A school shootout. Bloody hell.

“Get down”, I managed to shout as I tackled a couple of students taking them down with me as the first shots rang out. Students shrieked and shouted as the floor of the antechamber was quickly covered with blood. Shots rang out again. More fell. Whoever this guy was, he was an amateur. He was just shooting right and left, I scanned around. He was still twenty feet away and the nearest door that I had was a good five feet away. We were still pinned down by bodies. I looked at the two besides me and put a finger to my mouth, they nodded. I glanced at the door and nodded at it. I knew we had to be swift enough to make it. The man with the hood was closing in. It was now or never. With a great heave I pulled the others to their feet, the gun man turned but he was slow.

We ran with all our might, the girls leading the front, me in the rear. Shots rang out from behind us. They dived for the door. A small thud but nothing happened. The door was locked from inside. Sitting ducks. Sitting ducks. And he came.

Thumping wildly on the door, the girls shouting with all their might for the people inside to open the door. I looked around again. The lockers on the either side made it impossible to find a hiding place plus that meant there was no other room on either side for another fifteen meters. The gunman closed in. Even for an amateur, brandishing a gun and hitting a human body was not hard. He aimed and the door opened ever so slightly, and a kick opened it wide enough to scramble through , but he had seen us. He fired. I threw one of them inside but the bastard was running and firing . Suddenly one of the girls got up and ran, ran for the other door, but it was too far away , he laughed fanatically again and fired, and the bullets ripped through her body , as she shuddered went limp. I had no choice but to turn inside. Outside more shots were heard, the hysterical laugh, and a scrawny voice cursed out “Die bitch, you whore, now see who’s laughing”. A chill ran down my spine.

I surveyed the room. Twenty frightened eyes looked back. They were screaming to me for help. I knew I had to help them. We were stuck in a laboratory. No windows nothing. Trapped. Again. The door was the only way in or out. There was a ventilator shaft. But there was no way I could get them up all of them up there and out of here. I had to take him out myself. The freak was still firing and cursing outside. But I couldn’t just walk in there. I needed a diversion. Something big. I scanned around. I saw sugar, potassium nitrate, and aluminium foil. I smiled to myself. Would do the job. Time to give the freak a dose of his own medicine. He had the advantage of surprise but now no more.

I got out; the smoke had started to fill up. The make do smoke bombs in the ventilator shafts were doing their job beautifully. The smoke was giving me enough cover to move without being noticed. The smoke was taking it’s time to spread around but it was good enough. Guns shots followed soon after and more screams. I ran through the smoke and blood filled corridors, slipping and falling but never ceasing. A flash of activity caught my eye. The hooded assassin had seen through my plan. He was trying to get into a corner. He saw me too. He aimed and fired. But there was nothing but a click. He had run out of ammo.

I ran with all my might and tackled him right off his feet. We crashed into a set of lockers. The gun hurtled off into the smoke. He tried to fight back but fall had knocked the breath out of him. I stood up and h holding him by the collar, forced him up. The hood fell back. The smoke was thick but even then I recognized the tear ridden face. It was the boy with the scar.

I stood watching as they took him away. The police sirens wailed aloud. Quivering students passed by me, to the warmth of their parent’s arms.

They would never have expected a reaction from him. Never expected him to fight back. Never expected him to stand up for himself. And when he did, all they could do was cover and run. But the human mind is a funny thing. Makes you do things that one cannot comprehend. Think over it the next time you put a finger on someone…..

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Well i hope this requires not introduction for sure…And sorry to keep u waiting Dipu…I know u would have my head if i did not do this soon…And here it is…Hope it’s worth the wait…

Me and Dippanita(Hopeless Romantics :\)

Well for starters that’s “DIPU”…The Dipu in fact :P…We are a bunch of lost kids who were so into our own selves when we were kids that we are a bunch of lesser known mortals to most…But then so what ?? We’re here and that what matters…We have a lot to catch up on the world and thus the exuberance always manages to come through…We got a potential lot of problems but then it’s the helpless romantic in both of us that sees us through the day…Good as friends and forgiving as enemies…we love to be the center of attention and praise…The lady above is a pretty brainier while I’m the intellectual defunct :P…But the glasses more than make up for it..Rebels in our own paths…It’s hard to back us down when we’r in the mood and that makes the world run and take cover…We’re both forlorn romantics and it shows the weaker part of the human nature but who cares…when we have friends like the ones we know…Life cannot be more demanding…She lives for her dreams and I live by my present…One fo the most fun filled people I’ve ever known allthough she might come off as a queer lady which is assure u she is(Who the hell names their friends Nipple man) :O…But still we both are known for our antics and here’s the emo and nerd of the group 😀

Aniket and Onkar(Ever Optimists)

Boy oh Boy…The ever optimist people !! Both of em got their own charm (esp Onkar ;)…I have to hand it over to them…The most carefree guys I’ve ever known…They are the silent operators pf the group but a lot depends on them…They are the backbone of the group and are there for us all come what may…But one’s into total celibacy…The other roams around like the Indian version of Charlie Harper :P…But never the less one of the most fun guys to be with…They are never in the off beat..Always pumped and lively…The contention they share with all is unique and nothing can replace what they do ;)…They’ve been around the block a few times and that’s what makes them stand apart…Aniket is a character who doesn’t demand respect…He gets it…Onkar is the crooner..The charming guy 😉

Each of us is unique and that is the main driving force for the group…The euphoria and the charisma that we all exuberant as individuals is what makes us all so special…U guys have all been really special to me and I wanna thank u all for being there when i needed it…I don’t have any more words to say…But i know u’ll understand what i’m trying to say…

Cheers to the Crazy Gang…
Cheers to us all…
Cheers to our friendships and the crazy stuff that we’ve done and will do 🙂
Love u all !!

XD

My world beneath the storm…

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. “This is your house,” he said, “my gift to you.”

– A Syrian Fable….

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized, we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, “Life is a do-it-yourself project.”

Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today…

My world is a conglomeration of the choices that i have made before in my life…

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Things are not always what they look like. ..

In a perfect world, the truth would probably pop out like babies from a mother’s womb, but the manifestation of the truth is a learning in itself. Like astronomy. Many fingers would point in accusation to the fears inside one’s head, and sometimes heart, which leads to such manifestations

In simpler words, people lie because they are afraid of what the truth might do to them :\

The irony of the matter is, no matter how much one goes about proclaiming truth to the world and advocating against lies and liars alike, we all lie. To one another, to ourselves. Lying to one another is of course reprimanded socially, but what I am more interested in is how we lie to ourselves

It may be harmless, like thinking to oneself something like “You can do it” when trying to achieve a seemingly impossible feat. Or it can be uplifting, like “You’re such a good-looker!” and the mirror almost cracks! It can be depressing, it can be romantic – it can be almost every emotion we want it to be. Why? Because we, as a species capable of emotions, want to experience emotions even when the environment does not produce that particular emotion by itself. At least that’s what I think

The reason I write all this insane gibberish is because I experienced emotions recently which have made me to stop lying to myself. Where I stand with a clear mind on what, who or how I am and it makes me reflect on what I used to tell myself. What I used to lie to myself about.

No more… 🙂

Hello!

After speculating and introspecting for quite sometime on whether or not I needed a business phone, I finally purchased the Nokia E63( long time ago :P). And to be honest, I’m loving this powerhorse! and the only reason i put up this review was that i got a lot pf people asking me bout the phone…So this way i find it easy to answer them and also leds them to my blog…(Marketing in the genes after all :P)

My criteria was simple: I wanted a phone with a decent application editing for instance Word, Excel, presentations. I have never been a fan of the ‘Touch’ phones (probably the only exceptions would be the iPHONE and more recently, the LG Cookie), and I definitely didn’t want a high-end PDA; and definitely not one with a touch screen. Another important criteria was a good QWERTY keyboard and WI-FI capabilities. Finally, my last criteria was the budget. I only wanted to spend a maximum of INR 15k for my upgrade from my N70 with which I was very happy.

Features like camera, music player, games etc were not at all a top priority for me. However I wouldn’t want their total absence; basic camera and music player would’ve worked for me. And I was willing to forego games on my targeted phone.

So after Goog’ling for such a phone, I got to know of the Nokia E series. And then the E63. It fit my bill to the T.

The feel and grip of the phone is good. The robbery finish on the keypad is nice, and the phone is fingerprint resistant.

There are a LOT of customizable attributes here as you’d expect, and it works like a charm.

Touted as a stripped off version of the E71, the E63 doesn’t leave much to be desired, except a metallic body, and GPS. Both devices use the same battery, and this means that the battery backup offered by the E63 is on par with the E71, and that is good.

The QWERTY keypad is nicely built, and quite easy to type. However it’s taking me some getting used to – but that’s expected since this is my first such keypad.

The Nokia website also touts the E63, praising it’s messaging abilities, and all for a good cause. The dedicated messaging button makes life even easier for novices like me and I love it!

The Symbian 60 OS works fast and is very responsive. There is hardly any time lag between pressing a button and waiting for the function to start. And that’s awesome.

As expected of any Nokia phone, phone quality and reception is good. The loudspeaker though not the best, does hold up good.

However, coming from an N series device, I do miss the dedicated volume keys at the side – the E63 doesn’t have them. The camera is pretty ok but you can’t really expect much from a 2MP camera, can you? But the lack of even a basic image editor quirked me. Nothing there except rotate. Sad.

Well as for the QuickOffice, I’ve typed this entire piece on the document creator there using my phone’s QWERTY keypad. And coupled with the predictive text, life got much easier! 🙂

My final comment would be that if your criteria matches with mine (stated above), then the Nokia E63 comes highly recommended. It’s the perfect low-end business phone to start with, much like jumping from digital compact cameras to DSLR’s.

There’s a strange word going around. What they call The Rumour…

I think it wasn’t meant to mean what it does, The Rumour. But blame it on the abundant creativity of the people, tireless as they were, to weave those luscious tales out of their busy, rumour-creating spindles. Each craftsman very proud of his skill, and affectionate of their produce. As if they were the finest of silks.

That’s the tough part.

The easy bit would be to spread the word around. An ear is all it takes, they say, and soon the world is talking about it. Probably evolving as it, The Rumour, passes from one potential rumour-spindle to another, with a few bits added here and a few other removed for those gripping, gaping, dramatic effects that we so love.

The Rumour, if well crafted, always manages to induce shrieks of joy, surprised leaps, and inadvertent questions.

Who cares what’s at stake. As long as there’s a juicy steak to feast on, do we even bother about the slaughtered animal?

Throughout my life, I have seen narrow-shouldered men, without a single exception, committing innumerable stupid acts, brutalizing their fellows and perverting souls by all means. They call the motive for their actions fame. Seeing these spectacles, I wanted to laugh like the others but I found that strange imitation impossible. I took a knife with a sharp steel cutting-edge on its blade and I slit my flesh where the lips join. For a moment I believed I had achieved my object. I looked in a mirror at this mouth disfigured by an act of my own will. It was a mistake! The blood flowing from the two wounds prevented me from discerning whether the laugh really was the same as others’. But after comparing them for a few moments I saw clearly that my laugh did not resemble that of human beings, i.e. I was not laughing at all. I have seen men, ugly men with their eyes sunk in dark sockets, surpassing the hardness of rock, the rigidity of cast steel, the insolence of youth, the senseless rage of criminals, the falseness of the hypocrite, the most extraordinary actors, the strenght of character of priests, beings whose real character is the most impenetrable, colder than anything else in heaven or on earth; I have seen them wearing out moralists who have attempted to discover their heart, and seen them bring upon themselves implacable anger from on high. I have seen them all now, the strongest fist raised towards heaven, like a child already disobedient towards its mother, probably incited by some spirit from hell, eyes full of the bitterest remorse, but at the same time of hatred: glacially silent, not daring to utter the vast ungrateful meditations hidden in their breasts, because those meditations were so full of injustice and horror; I have seen them grieve the God of mercy in his compassion; and again at every moment of the day, from their earliest childhood right up to the end of their old age, I have seen them uttering unbelievable anathemata, void of all common sense, against everything which breathes, against themselves, and against Providence; prostituting women and children, thus dishonoring the parts of the body consecrated to modesty. Then, the waters of the seas rise up, engulfing ships in their bottomless depths; hurricanes and earthquakes level houses; plague and all kinds of disease decimate families. But men do not realize this. I have seen them blushing, or turning pale for shame at their conduct on this earth – rarely. Tempests, sisters of hurricanes; bluish firmament, whose beauty I refuse to acknowledge; hypocritical sea, image of my own heart; earth, who hold mysteries hidden in your breast; the whole universe; God, who created it with such magnificence, it is thee I invoke: show me a man who is good… But at the same time increase my strength tenfold: for at the sight of such a monster, I may die of astonishment: men have died of less…

Why do we love ??

When u miss & love someone you will go thru everything that needs to be gone thru…just to keep this special person in your life. you will experience pain, tears, lust, hurt, a broken heart, u will feel that if u ever lose him/her you will not want to live anymore, before they walk out of your life you will rather take their steps so you can always step back to them, you cant imagine a world without this person, u cant trust anyone but yourself, you will do anything in order to have this person forever in your heart, you will cry yourself to sleep when you’ve been hurt, you’ll miss them all the time, you never stop smiling when u are with them, you’ll always remember that first and last kiss, you’ll dream of them close to u and wake up crying thinking that the dream was real, you’ll have butterflies in your tummy every time you think of them, you’ll have to lie just in case you lose them, you’ll always picture there smile and put it in a frame, you’ll weep for them if they feel pain, you’ll keep every moment with them in your heart so they will always b with you, you’ll do everything for them, you’ll die for them, you’ll live for them..and thus i guess the reason i love u so much…Muah :*

Please give me another chance
We can make things the same
Bring those days back again
All I need is just one chance

All the wonderful moments spent together
We could keep holding on forever
The moments spent in sun and rain
We can bring them back all again

I love you with all my heart
What I just cant do is part
Let us bring back our lost time
I promise everything will be fine

Let me hold you again
I’ll take away all your pain
All I ask is for another chance
Just look at me and give me a chance

You can trust me all right
I promise you never again will we fight
Forget the harsh words and come out of the dark moods
Show me your lovely smile
That same one at least for a while
Don’t break my heart
It’ll tear me apart
I can never ever leave you
‘Cos darling I truly love you

There’s a vacuum in every heart
But you’ll not find that in mine
‘Cos in every bit and every part
You’ll find your portrait shine

You can’t be so unkind
Walking away leaving me behind
Trust me again
Give me your hand
Deep inside I feel the pain
Of a broken heart that needs to be mend
Its only you who can heal
And change the way I feel

I know I’ve hurt you and made your heart pain too
Give me another chance
I’ll take away the darkness from your life

My heart aches if you cry
Please wipe those tears dry
Let this dark night get over
And let a new morning enter our lives
I want to show you how much I care
I want you back at any cost
Our love cannot be come the past

Please o please let me try again
I can take away all your pain
All i ask is one more chance
Just a chance… A mere chance…

My Angel….

The skies are free from clouds,
On this late Saturday evening.
A boy sits hugging his knees,
Enduring the cool October breeze.

The ocean waves crash ashore,
Beating against the rocks below.
On this cliff standing tall,
He prepares to take a fall.

In love he is with a beautiful girl,
Now to tell her how he feels.
Panic bells ring around his ears,
As day dreams bring him to tears.

She found him sitting alone,
Wondering if anything was wrong.
A fake smile is all he could do,
While contemplating an ‘I love you’

Before he could turn to speak,
She hushed his quivering lips.
Deep into his eyes she stared,
And told him how much she cared.

He apologizes to God in his mind,
‘Sorry God, I’m stealing an angel’
He can see Heaven in her eyes,
It takes away all his butterflies.

He manages to say ‘I love you’
She smiles and returns the words.
He looks at the Heavens above,
As he kisses his one true love…

Love u my Angel…Thank u for being there for me when i needed u….Thank u for loving me back…Thank u for being my inspiration….Love u…U know who u are and so let it be….

Some where in the deep dark depths of the Facebook world….lies a group….a group of  friends who are endearing and benevolent to each other and their companies….This is the place where they know they can share their most darkest secrets and their emotions and desires to say the least…They fight,they curse, they follow sarcasm religiously but share the love and rejoice to their spirit of friendship each and every day….They are very few close friends i have…..some who know my life in and out…The’r always been there for whenever i needed them….come what may….The distances between all of us are great….But then we’r friends after all….Friends for life….Friends who’v promised to be there for one another come what may….Friends who’ll be the same even when they’r 80 plus without teeth and hair….We had been together for a better part of our lives but then it was destiny that i developed such a special bond with them…And yes Aarushi…I have tried to keep the language as simple as i can 🙂

Nayan and Dev (Finely Fickled Assholes)

Two words define their lives…..Football and Friends….. unprecedented winners and achievers in their own ways they are the jokers of the pack….It’s their beautiful sense of humor and intriguing charisma that makes them so bearable…Their genuine smiles can make your day….”Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” One’s a mama’s boy the other is a rebel….I don’t know why i have tagged them together….but for a certain reason that i know….I’m not wrong to do so….One’s a drunkard while the other’s a teetotaler…One’s a hardcore Liverpool fan while the other worships Eric “The King” Cantona and Sir Alex Ferguson….They may be so apart from each other but still when they are together….It’s magic….Sarcasm and sadism’s most lethal combination that can even put to shame anyone in their way….It’s the purity of their hearts that strikes u the most…and that’s what stays there 🙂

Aarushi and Birju (When the world went :O)
Well here’s one of the most interesting and intriguing couple i’v ever seen….It’s like they’s just perfect for each other… some how in a magical way that perfectly compliments the way that they, their behaviors and their actions just fall out to be….It’s just beautiful to watch the synchrony that they have and the magic that they create when they get together…Their bonding is just a beauty to watch….Birju’s the all out “What the heck guy” to which Aarushi contrasts by her caring nature….Birju’s a hothead…a risk taker….Aarushi’s the calmest mind in the group…And boy don’t they look good together…Nuff said though….The Redneck and The Mother hen :D….My best wishes fellas XD

Love Actually…..

There was a time in my life, actually this was pretty recent, that I hated my life…

I even wanted to die….Slash my wrist and bleed to death…

My world was shattered…That no matter how many tears I cried,  there was no one to put that loving hand on my shoulder to reassure me that my world was safe….so confused…clueless on what to do….Every morning I would wake up cursing my life and asking the Lord why didn’t I die in my sleep….

I was so weak then…. A terrible mess….

Sometimes a single “No” can bear consequences that can cause the human mind to think and do things that it would normally be capable of…Because she did love me…..The only one whom, I thought, cares…..She who had become my world….

Then, she was everything to me….She would listen and inspire my stories, guide me in my problems…But then sometimes in life it’s not your or her fault that things don’t work out…Ego clashes….Temper’s flaring…and a whole lot of maniacal shit that was to be sorted out was left unsorted and unconfined. My health deteriorated around this time….But even then i was till optimistic about it…The world lives on hope…Hope was my nostrum….So when the time came, in that one stormy night when I though everything was going to be fine, that I had to be told the truth, I was totally absolutely crashed….

And then that was the start of my own storm….Countless sleepless nights….Endless tears wetting my pillow…I was in much despair that even the smallest bad thing that could happen to me turns into a giant holocaust of emotional breakdown…

But what made everything feel like hell was that she stayed right there….right there like any good friend willing to spend hours consoling a friend…

Just remembering the past makes me remember how painful everything was…

Me

even i’m confused what to do…it feels so good to talk to her back again….but then there’s a nagging feeling that if she’s never gonna be mine why am i even trying ??

Aniket

dnt wry abt the future abt whether sj\he will b urs o nt l*r..leave it 2 the future..dude i dnt knw wat ur scene was bt ya i cn tel u jus tat..if u feel tat u wana b with her nw ..so b wit her..yaar age ka kisi ko kuch ghanta pata hai..

But then life gets you….it does….

Everything lasted for months, but then it was eternity…

I’m just happy that I’m back on my feet right now…. though I can’t say I’m perfectly well….but then how I feel right now is tons better that what i felt back then…

So as of now, come what may, i’ll learn to love my life, my family and friends. Love will always be there, but why hope for something that’s not yet here when you can treasure what you have right now….

Adieu…..

The past many months of my life have been the best ones I’ve ever had in my life. After a series of unending contretemps, my life entered an entirely new stage. I started realizing the meaning of the word happiness. Many individual lows later, I struck jackpot of contentment – it all started with a decent CAT Score, which set off a spree of revelry. There was nothing to celebrate about, really as despite the score, no B School had called me, mainly because the score caught me a shocker and that I hadn’t applied anywhere. Yet, it was a huge personal morale boost and I virtually had a ball with my buddies. Of course, I ended up being a lot poor (bankrupt, actually). But yet, the lightness of the empty purse brought a smile onto my face, for the first time. 

Before I deviate further, let me get on to my point – the prime reason behind my happiness ain’t the CAT score and the ensued happiness. It’s nothing far-fetched, so to speak. I was just too happy about college life getting over and me moving to some hopeful greener pastures.

Aghast as it might seem at the outset, I was EXHILARATED at the thought of moving out of the ‘comfort’ (ahem) of my ‘wonderful college’, into the portals of this big bad world. To fight it out with the rest of ‘em 6 billion human beings 😛 . To even die fighting!! Let me make it crystal clear for you, every moment I spent in this super-awesome college of mine was exhaustingly-crappy. I was stomped upon, berated, and pinned onto the wall in every way possible, during my life in that weak excuse of an educational institution. All I’ve left is a few buddies – some endearing people, whom I adore who are exactly my “best friends”…

The first sight was app(e)al(l)ing, the ‘HUGE” buildings, the friendly, super-awesome teachers, the mind-blowingly endearing staff (apologies for the hyperbole, but I’m truly short of words here, if you know what I mean. Then on, there was no looking back. Life was a cycle – from bad to worse and a vice versa. . It’s been so, for the past 3 years and I’ve had every screw up an 18-21 year old could’ve gone through.

In an optimistic manner of speaking, it was all for good. I learned a LOT. I learned how tough life is with back papers. I had to accept serious insults to my intelligence. I had to live with crap being hurled on to me on a daily basis. I saw bitching, up close and personal. I learned how life would be in shambles once you choose to be different. I learned how being original and creative is WRONG! I learned the value of mugging. I learned how bits of paper save lives in exam halls. I learned every lesson about unrequited love – about how it feels to be in love with a classmate for over three long years and not mentioning it to her – being so sure that she’d reject me; (still haven’t done that and don’t intend to either). Worse of them all – I learned how closing my eyes to the piled up shit would dig my grave deeper. Now that it is over, and I’m elated that I’m finally getting an opportunity to let go of everything and move on.

Looking back, I’m clearly worse-off than what I was, when I started. Of course, I did gain a lot, other than valuable experiential lessons. A course in management brought out the creative in me. Had I studied elsewhere, the budding creative in me would’ve been stillborn. But the technology ‘education’, if I may call it so undeservedly, killed the manager in me – and today, I’m a full-blown creative. And I’m happy about it !!

Doesn’t mean I’d miss college – I’d miss the buddies, I’d miss the occasional good times, I’ll miss the random moment of fun. I’d even miss being in unrequited love, don’t think I’ll see her, although I wish I did…. – she’ll evidently soon be departing for greener pastures, while I’m stuck in good ol’ desert. 😉 />

On that note, I bid adieu to three years of college life…..Three beautiful years……

I do not know what to title this post as…..

I have found out, over the past several years, that one of the hardest things to do is to be honest with myself. And even writing this out is so difficult…

Nonsense, in fact, is a very difficult thing- it lasts, but a while!!

A fair realization of the incredible degree of diversity I follow, appeals! – For me, it’s all the experiences that I’ve been through, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the laughter and the tears, the friends and the jerks, the black and the white… everything; – Struggling to be restored to the place where it belongs!! I’d like to know more stuff, but probably can’t be bothered to find out.

Important? Yes! Critical? Absolutely. I would go so far as to say that…

Once a man has changed the relationship between himself and his environment, he cannot return to the blissful ignorance he left. Motion, of necessity, involves a change in perspective. Theories, for me, are judged by the coherence they lend to our natural experience and the simplicity with which they do so… For, if you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words.

And all of it is alive with the hideous vitality of things that have organized themselves amid disorganization. I’m a proactive daydreamer, inactive achiever. Trilingual, Metrosexual, Polyphonic- and all of it bottoms up!

My head is in the clouds, but my feet are well grounded. I love to dance. Laughter is definitely the elixir that cures all ills.

And for those who fall in love every Monday, and those who don’t, and those who might – One of the most dangerous things you can ask for when it comes to love, is a warranty card!!

It’s been a long time since I saw the moon…

I have felt happy today….an emotion that was deprived of me for so many days…. Deprivation from the pen and paper had been way too long…..I had to write….and what better than to revitalize my blogging activities….Writers need their time i thought…..But wrong i was…..The ball’s been rolled….and there’s no looking back now…Times that were had their share of my mind and matter….Been to hell and back in these three months…MBA’s a tough master….no wonder they pay their asses for us….I hope that i am able to continue to hone my writing skills along with my skills to handle sleep deprivation….

Not easy, but can be done….

Life doesn’t give you many chances….

It slides, It tackles and loves to take u down when you least expect it too…

Jeers and sneers when u hit the dirt….

Many can’t get back and wither in the dust….

Some have to courage to stand up back again, brush up the dust and give it back…

XD