Tag Archive: death


Please be allright..

Will I ever love again?
A question on my mind
Will I ever love another?
Like you in this life

If it was meant to be it’ll happen
This is what I am told
But I fear I won’t find another
And will die alone

Will I ever love again?
I really miss you now
Will I ever love again?
Thinking about it just brings me down

I wake up at night
With sweat in my eyes
My heart starts pounding
And I begin to cry

Well it’s better to have loved
And I still have my memories
They’ll always make me happy
And set my heart at ease
today I learned a lesson
that will always be true
saying goodbye to someone
is the hardest thing to do

I’ve never felt a loss
until I said goodbye
I thought I was strong
and I broke down and cried

never will I forget
the times we had
though the reflections are happy
it makes me rather sad

the most brutal of men
cries at the past
I only wish
the good times would last

so I humor myself
I’d smile if I could
why can’t things work out?
Because life isn’t supposed to be that good

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Spirits, Ghosts and Evil Beings. We all know about them and speak of them with an impending sense of fear and awe. There are powerful things existing in this world that we are not aware of. Things that roam in the night and it might a fickle of imagination for the human mind or there may be actually something unknown. We always fear what we do not understand..And maybe somethings are not meant to understood or to be screwed around with. They are just meant to be feared and respected. I was a non-believer, until it happened to me. I have never shared this anyone except a few people close to me and I’ve had a few experiences so far. This one nearly got me killed. Maybe I was there at the wrong moment, at the wrong place and at the wrong time..But I lived to tell the tale..

The bus full of happy people returning from the picnic was a joy to watch. There were a few sad faces as this was the last trip that we would be having as we were passing out in a few months. The last three days had been a blast. Good times in fact. Graduation is always fun, and the Students Association Picnics were a treat for us. The ramblings from Udaipur had taken us quite a wee few hours to get home and it was around 2 a.m. that the bus landed at my college. The flurry of goodbyes and good nights and see you tomorrow had happened before I realized that I did not have my vehicle. None of my friends were going in the directions my home was and yet I being the person that I am, refused to let them take trouble on my behalf. I told them I’d find a rickshaw or just walk down to my place. I also didn’t want to call up my dad as I did not want to wake him up from his sleep, knowing that he was a light sleeper. So I slung the bag over my shoulder and started walking. My home was a good 3.5-4 kilometers away from my home and I had planned to find a rickshaw near the bridge that I had to climb to get across. There was a graveyard at the end of the bridge but I was taking my chances.

Walking on I realized how silent and deathly quiet the world was around me, the only solace being that there were people sleeping the pavements of the bridge, yet not a single vehicle or a soul which was awake was around me. I tugged my jacket closer, trying to keep the thoughts of impending doom out of my mind, which is a human tendency to happen when you know you’re alone. And how wrong I was.

The graveyard approached at the side of the road, I cast a nervous eye over it. Nothing stirred..But my heart still raced. I quickened my feet and the sight of a police van on the other side of the road, and I could breathe easy for sometime alteast. They did not stop by me, nor did they even glance in my direction, but I made it through the patch of the road. I headed on towards my home. All alone now. The stretch of road going as far as the eye could see, and now not a single living soul to be seen.

We Indians believe in funny superstitions. We say one should not eat or speak words relating to “Come” or so at crossroads as we believe in the fact that somehow spirits reside in those areas and saying something like that shall invite them with us. Well I passed a major crossroad, near a circle that branched out into four roads. It was again an uneasy feeling as I suddenly remembered that one major accident had taken place at the circle itself which had resulted in a man’s on the spot death, a few months ago around the same time..

Steeling my nerves I turned into the lane that would take me home. My blood ran cold as I suddenly realized that there was not a single lamp post lit on the whole road. Instincts took over, the rush of fear washing over my body, but I had nowhere to go. I could not go back to the circle and take the longer route home. I calmed myself and started walking silently praying.

The street dogs looked up from their midnight scrapping for food and looked up at me. Their presence was uplifting, as there were five of them, standing together huddled. I called out to them, beckoning them with my hand, holding an imaginary piece of morsel in front of them. I suddenly felt my spirits lift for one of them came towards me, wagging it’s tail..And then it happened.

Two of the dogs, whom I had passed and they were behind me let out a growl. A, low and ferocious growl. I turned to see what they were growling at and I saw them, barring their teeth at something behind me. I whipped around to see that there was not a single living soul on the whole breath of the road behind me. I swallowed a lump in my throat, and saw the dog nearest to me was now, growling at me. One of the dogs behind me yelped, and suddenly they all ran. Away from me..And it came.

Firstly, I lost control of my legs. How much ever I tried, I could not move them. It was as if I was paralyzed from the waist down. It was like someone had cemented my feet to the road. The air around me suddenly got chilly. My breathing started getting heavy, it was something was trying to constrict me.The wind got knocked out of me and despite the jacket zipped up to my neck, I felt a constriction on it. It was light, but firm. I was getting a bit delusional, the feeling on my neck growing as if something had my neck in it’s grip.

I’m an atheist. The religion that was given to follow when I came into the world was Jainism. Maybe I’ve never found my god in our Derasars (Temples), and I was/am not a firm believer of God and his ways, but my mother insists that I wear a Red sting with a small bag on top which is known as RakshaPotli..Essentially meaning the sacred thread of protection. And so just to appease my mother, I still wear one to this day.

I was about to pass out, the black out about to happen, when my left hand touched upon my right hand, landing right on the thread. As soon as my hand touched that, I heard a loud scream from behind me, right in my ear and I fell forward, gasping for air. Maybe it was good luck or fate that half falling, half running I made it to a small roadside temple that was at the side of the road. Still delusional, I remember seeing a figure, walking towards me and then vanishing.

For two hours,till the sun rose, I sat there..In front of the temple. Only when the daily activities had started and I was given the creepy looks by the milkman, did I find the courage to get up and walk down home. The night replayed for me all over again and again. I told no one what had happened. Even I was not sure if it happened or not, but when I took off my jacket, there were the marks on my neck. A thumb impression to the right and four fingers to the left.

Epilogue:

I do not know what happened or why it happened or who did it. I did not have the courage to go about finding about it. There have been numerous times that I’ve passed through the same road, but never again have I seen the figure or felt the same ever again. It’s not something that I’m proud of to have lived and survived to tell the tale. I have grown a fear of the unknown. My hands are still shaking as I type, but I have survived it. Maybe I shall sleep peacefully tonight as an upper being looks over me, or shall lie awake as a creature from the other world watches me?

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How we love..

“You’re in love with me… Why ?” She asked.

“Beats the shit out of me…But I am…” was my only reply..

She tightened my grip on my hand. I looked up at her, standing besides me. Her hair swaying, her lips constantly moving, her eyes swaying, surveying the new environment with a sense of awe and fear. I smiled at her. We were best friends since kindergarten and finally in high school. She never left my hand till we reached her class. Hugging me, she turned and walked away. I watched her go, as if waiting for her to stop and look back. She did, and I sheepishly smiled and waved back. My best friend was my love, and I so wanted to tell her that I loved her. Loved her so very much but I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

Like a seraph skimming the clouds, as she walked up to the stage to receive her graduation scroll, my heart skipped a beat. I stood up to clap for her. She ran towards me, ecstatic and hugged me, planting a big kiss on my cheek, as she thanked me for being there with her all this time and also for being her best friend. I wanted to correct her but the words never came. Her mirth drowned out my words, What if my words would hurt her ? I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I took her hand and lead her down the aisle, looking up at her. She smiled nervously, making me twitch. They say a woman always looks most beautiful in her bridal dress. I couldn’t have agreed more. Like an angel descending from the sky she moved slowly towards the alter. With each step she took forward, I felt my love walking away. A love which only I had known of. A tear fell from my eye as she uttered ” I Do”. I wanted to tell her that it should have been myself in place of Matthew, but it was a secret which I had to carry with me to my grave. Because I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I stood in front her grave. Crying, uncontrollably. Rain pelted on my face, soaking me in seconds. Tears rolled down my eyes as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Her diary lay open in my hand, open to a page where she had written, ” I don’t know how to tell this to Neil, but I love him so much. I think he loves me too but I’m afraid to ask. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose him. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love. But I hope he knows ”

Too late. Too afraid. But my best friend, my true love was gone..Gone forever..

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