“You’re in love with me… Why ?” She asked.

“Beats the shit out of me…But I am…” was my only reply..

She tightened my grip on my hand. I looked up at her, standing besides me. Her hair swaying, her lips constantly moving, her eyes swaying, surveying the new environment with a sense of awe and fear. I smiled at her. We were best friends since kindergarten and finally in high school. She never left my hand till we reached her class. Hugging me, she turned and walked away. I watched her go, as if waiting for her to stop and look back. She did, and I sheepishly smiled and waved back. My best friend was my love, and I so wanted to tell her that I loved her. Loved her so very much but I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

Like a seraph skimming the clouds, as she walked up to the stage to receive her graduation scroll, my heart skipped a beat. I stood up to clap for her. She ran towards me, ecstatic and hugged me, planting a big kiss on my cheek, as she thanked me for being there with her all this time and also for being her best friend. I wanted to correct her but the words never came. Her mirth drowned out my words, What if my words would hurt her ? I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I took her hand and lead her down the aisle, looking up at her. She smiled nervously, making me twitch. They say a woman always looks most beautiful in her bridal dress. I couldn’t have agreed more. Like an angel descending from the sky she moved slowly towards the alter. With each step she took forward, I felt my love walking away. A love which only I had known of. A tear fell from my eye as she uttered ” I Do”. I wanted to tell her that it should have been myself in place of Matthew, but it was a secret which I had to carry with me to my grave. Because I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose her. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love.

I stood in front her grave. Crying, uncontrollably. Rain pelted on my face, soaking me in seconds. Tears rolled down my eyes as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Her diary lay open in my hand, open to a page where she had written, ” I don’t know how to tell this to Neil, but I love him so much. I think he loves me too but I’m afraid to ask. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid to lose him. Afraid of losing my best friend. My love. But I hope he knows ”

Too late. Too afraid. But my best friend, my true love was gone..Gone forever..

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